Those Kids with a Typewriter
by DisneyWriter
Summary: After seeing the Pokemon review fanfiction, the trainers decided to give it a shot. There will be bashing and ranting in the most constructive and exaggerated way possible. And as always we are open to suggestions.
1. My Little Unicorn Chapters 1 and 2

**The Editor**

 **Presents**

 **"My Little Unicorn: Magic is Believing" Chapters 1 and 2**

"Oh boy, Dakari King Mykan." Editor said with an ice pack on his head. Yes, this story is that painful.

"Dakari King Mykan is a writer of bad fanfiction who is infamous in the _Digimon, Teen Titans_ , and _My Little Pony_ fandoms by how poorly handled his fics are. His fics have been banned on this very site and has been known for being extremely rude." said Editor, "I'm surprised the League of Fannon Critics hasn't reviewed one of them yet."

* * *

 _Author's notes:_

 _FIM is a BIG MISTAKE to me... its horrible… so I guess an alternate universe is in order!_

* * *

"I'm going to try to be neutral here, but if you have an argument, you have to support your argument." Editor said.

* * *

 _Far off in a distant dimension is the magical kingdom of Unicornicopia_

* * *

"Far off in the depth of my brain, several cells died." Editor sighed.

* * *

 _—home to many winged unicorns of different sizes and colors. All were under the watchful eye of their grand ruler; the legendary tri-horned alicorn, and he was known as that because, unlike any other unicorn, he had three horns instead of one. All, of which, were golden._

* * *

"So he's a triceratops?" Editor said, "I'm going to skip all this meaningless exposition."

* * *

 _A small white unicorn, with a brown short mane, and a marking "AO0C" on his chest armor finished the story. His companion, a small fairy with long blonde hair, and wearing a pink skirt felt puzzled. "So it really does exist, Lightning…?" she asked._

 _"It sure does, Krysta." responded Lightning "But I don't know why The Grand Ruler told me to come here, or why he wants me to be his apprentice. He knows I can't do magic just like other unicorns."_

* * *

"Do you think this inability to do magic will affect Lightning Dawn will do anything to affect him in a negative manner? HAHAHA." mocked Editor, "Make him less flat of a character?!"

"I noticed that he has a code like a product you can buy at a pokemart." Editor said, "Why?"

* * *

 _It was true! Though Lightning Dawn was indeed a unicorn, for some reason he just couldn't seem to perform magic like any other could. The only thing unusual about him was he had a golden horn, but he still didn't understand._

 _Still, he and Krysta had only just arrived in Unicornicopia the other day, and had just settled into Lightning's new tower-house, in a part of the Kingdom called White Village, and he was instructed by his master, The Grand Ruler…_

 _"Once you arrive, you should go out and meet your newfound future friends and comrades. They have already been told of your coming and are anxious to meet you, and may very well help you, but no matter where you go, Lightning, and no matter what you do… always remember to believe."_

* * *

"'Don't forget to believe' sounds like something out of a a Disney movie." Editor said.

* * *

 _Lightning could hardly understand what all this "Believing" was supposed to mean either. "Well we won't know just sitting around here." said Krsyta. "We should get going."_

 _Lightning smiled and agreed, and as he spread his wings for takeoff, "Hey, Krsyta…? Thanks, you know… for always hanging with me and stuff."_

 _The little fairy smiled and pecked Lightning on the cheek. "Lightning, if anyone should be thankful, it's me." She meant that, for a very good reason, but now was not the time to be thinking of that as Krysta sat on Lightning's head and Lightning took off over the lands of his new home._

* * *

"So this ends the introduction/prologue/I'm just happy it's over." Editor said.

"This introduction it not that bad, but it goes downhill." someone said, "So we start off with 'The Return of Evil: Part 1' Next time."

"Why next time? Let's start now." the editor said.

* * *

 _There were many different places in Unicornicopia; most were named after their colors._

 _Bluesville… Greenland… Orange-Range… but the central and largest area was called Rainbow City Central, where most Unicorns went to have fun, or do their duties. Lightning could see them all down below, the anthropomorphic unicorns having fun, going to work, or some just flying around._

* * *

"We're not stupid. We can figure out that the places are named after colors." Editor said.

* * *

 _"I should find someplace to land." said Lightning "Not around here. It's too crowded." said Krysta. With that, they both decided to fly around and look for someplace soft. There was a nice vacant area near a large garden with vegetables and beautiful flowers and plants. The perfect place to land…!_

* * *

"I thought you are a unicorn, not a pegasus." Editor said.

"Does that mean that they're in a plane?" the audience said.

"More like a plot hole." said someone in the group.

* * *

 _"Wow!" exclaimed Lightning as he gazed at the lovely flowers. "Double wow!" added Krysta as she hovered around sniffing the many sensational smells. "Mmm…!" But then her nose began to twitch, "Ah… Ah… Ah-Ah…!"_

* * *

"Cliche!" yelled Wally.

"Double cliche!" cheered Dawn.

* * *

 _"Krysta…?" cried Lightning "Krysta, No!" but Krysta had already sneezed "AH-CHOO…!" and even though she was just a little fairy, that single sneeze caused the flower she sniffed to keel over and lose all its petals. "Oh! Oh my!" cried Krysta._

 _That's when a red unicorn came dashing over. "Oh, no…! Not again?" he groaned as he gently began to scoop the fallen flower into a pot. Krysta apologized but the red unicorn said it wasn't her fault. "They always keel over when they make someone sneeze. I can fix it, no problem. There's no finer gardener than me."_

 _Lightning was amazed. "You mean, you grew all this?" he asked._

 _The other unicorn nodded. "My name's Buddy Rose. Code-Number: FT5H. I'm the caretaker of the community garden. I can handle any flower, tree, weed- anything that grows." and in no time at all, the flower Krysta had ruined was standing upright again, and Buddy didn't seem to use any form of magic but rather ordinary gardening._

* * *

" Lightning will angst over freaking magic. What purpose does ?" one of the rangers in the audience said.

* * *

 _"Hmm!" remarked Lightning. "That's amazing. Oh by the way… I'm…"_

 _"Lightning Dawn…? I know." said Buddy. "The Grand Ruler told everyone to expect you."_

* * *

"And Grand Ruler let everyone know about this because..." the same ranger questioned.

* * *

 _"Hmm!" remarked Lightning. "That's amazing. Oh by the way… I'm…"_

 _"Lightning Dawn…? I know." said Buddy. "The Grand Ruler told everyone to expect you."_

 _"Uh… yeah… he did." said Lightning._

 _Buddy hated to dash off but he had a few other vegetables to take care of. "Oh I'm sorry to impose, but could you do me a really big favor?" he asked while giving Lightning a small basket of vegetables. "Ugh…!"_

 _"Could you take these to the Rainbow Dish Inn, when you go through town? Please?" and before Lightning could answer, Buddy had gone off, "Thank you!" he called back._

 _"Perfect!" Lightning scoffed._

 _"Well… that went well." joked Krysta._

* * *

"Rainbow Dish Inn?" Editor said, "I need to read that again."

* * *

 _It was a good thing that Unicornicopians were anthropomorphic, meaning Lightning could just stand upright and walk on his hind legs while using his front legs like arms to carry the basket. "Oh! This is heavy…!" he groaned._

* * *

"Really."

* * *

 _Krysta wished she could help. Though she was small, some of her fairy magic allowed her to lift objects hundreds of times her own weight, but the basket was much too big and heavy for her. "Why don't you sit and rest?" she suggested. "Good idea!" Lightning panted and slumped down on a bench, almost dropping the basket. "Oh! My poor hooves..!" It was times like this Lightning hated the fact he couldn't do magic._

 _Suddenly he heard someone say, "Excuse me…?" The voice belonged to an orange unicorn, wearing a red artist's hat, just up ahead who was painting on a canvas. "…you kind of walked into the way of the scenery."_

 _"Ugh!" groaned Lightning, but then the other unicorn caught the sight of Krysta. "Is that a…fairy?" His eyes lit up like the sun. "Hold still, please!" he said with excitement. Krysta felt confused, but did as she was told, and in almost no time the artist showed her and Lightning his painting. "I shall call it… Fairy in the park."_

* * *

"This is a carbon copy of the first two episodes with different characters, isn't it?"

* * *

 _Krysta thought it was incredible. It looked so real and she seemed so beautiful in the picture, much to Lighting's dismay that "I notice I'm not in there." he said to himself._

 _The unicorn introduced himself as Artie. Code-number: HV7J. He loved to pain, draw, and sculpt. "You should come to my art gallery sometime, both of you."_

* * *

"What is with these codes? I feel like they live in some sort of Nazi dictatorship." Editor said.

* * *

 _Krysta's eyes lit up, "We'd love to." She said._

 _"Yes… but we have an errand to." Lightning quickly said as he scooped Krysta in his right wing. "Let's go, Krysta!" and he ran off with the basket of vegetables, much to Artie's confusion, but he couldn't wait to tell all his viewers that he had just seen and painted a real-live fairy._

 _Krysta thought that was rude of Lightning. But Lightning thought Artie was a little too eccentric, especially how the way he acted as if he had never seen a fairy before, but that was pretty much the case as Krysta was the only fairy in the entire dimension, but that wasn't important now._

* * *

"Huh," The Editor sighed, "After meeting yet another one of their two dimensional creeps. They continue to cut and paste the first episode of MLP:FiM. Now let's skip to the villain. Save yourself the trouble and just skip to the end."

* * *

 _Lightning could barely speak as he just stood there, gawking at the evil creature as it spoke. "I… am… Titan! The emperor of all darkness, and bringer of chaos and nightmares…!"_

 _Starla was right all along. "You…!" snarled Lightning "You're the one I've heard of from the stories. That same evil The Grand Ruler banished to the Dimension of Darkness!"_

 _Titan chuckle evil "Yes! But alas, that seal could not keep me a prisoner forever. Your grand ruler should have finished me off when he had the chance! Now, his mistake shall be inflicted on you all as my first order of vengeance of being locked up for all these centuries…! THIS WORLD… AND ALL ITS MAGIC… NOW BELONGS TO ME…!"_

 _His evil laugh echoed as he made lightning strike the skies! The unicorns were in deathly trouble now!_

 _To be continued…!_

* * *

"For A fic that was meant to be 'vastly superior' to FiM, it sure did enjoy cutting and pasting entire plot points from it. But like I said, it gradually got worse as it went on. This entire chapter is mediocre because it rips off FiM. If it gradually became its own thing, it would be so much better."

"The characters are the worst. They're just two dimensional cardboard cut-outs."

"The plot is literally a cut-and-paste adaptation."


	2. To Blast a Rocket by Flinky

_**Michael the Critic**_

 _ **Presents**_

 _ **"To Blast a Rocket" by Flinky Chapters 1**_

"Hello, I'm Michael the Critic. You know, that guy from those Orre games no one remembers." he said, "I DEMAND A REMAKES OF THE ORRE GAMES!"

 **Please Stand by: We're Experiencing Some Technical Difficulties**

"Hehem, _To Blast a Rocket_ is a strange thing." Michael said, "It is some post apocalyptic future with Pokemon, pooling ideas from the manga, games, and anime. While it tries to be darker, there are a lot of problems that need to be addressed."

* * *

 _"To protect the world from devastation. To unite all people within our nation. To denounce the beauties of truth and love. To extend our reach to the stars above. Team Rocket defending Earth at the speed of light."_

* * *

"The story opens up to a Team Rocket school where everyone is reciting the motto of the syndicate." Michael said.

"I actually do wonder what a Team Rocket school is suppose to be like. Granted, it would be full of propaganda, but how well (badly) do they treat their students? What is the environment like?"

* * *

 _"Good job class. Now, let us give a moment of silence to our lord, Giovanni."_

 _No one talked for a while._

* * *

"Thank you, narrator for pointing that out the obvious. I bet the silence part was way to hard to process. The narrator is revealed to be Red, a brooding teenager. "

* * *

 _"Alright. We may now start history class. Mr. Red Ketchum, please wake up."_

 _Everyone looked at me. It took me a couple seconds before I registered what my teacher said._

 _"I'm up."_

 _"Now, recite the motto for disrespect."_

* * *

"And this is where I start being nitpicky. The first person narration limits the reader to what the narrator can perceive with his or her senses. When things come out of left field, it is more excusable because we know about as much as the narrator."

* * *

 _"I'm sorry that I disrespected myself, my country, and my Lord, Giovanni," I said, boringly. I think this is the 20th time I've said that...today._

 _"Good. Now, please open your textbooks to page 117. The notorious villain Red..."_

 _I stopped paying attention. It's not like there is anybody who doesn't know about Red. I don't know why I was named after him._

* * *

"The politically correct history trope in and of itself is a little cliche. You know, how about politically correct math? I heard there are Americans make politically correct math for a living."

* * *

 _I looked at my classmates. For some reason, they could actually withstand this. Although I do have ADD, so it's probably me._

 _"Alright class. We will now have a pop quiz to make sure everyone was listening."_

 _Everyone knew that I'm the reason. Since I don't care, I just decided to fail with style._

* * *

"The next portion is actually pretty funny."

* * *

 _Question 1: Who was the first person to try to take down Team Rocket? A, Red; B, Blue; C, Ash; or D, Leaf. I wrote down "E, Morals," and circled it._

 _Question 2: Who ran the Viridian Gym? I wrote "Cyrus." References like that really piss off the teacher._

 _Question 3: When did Team Rocket liberate Kanto? My answer was "Never. They took over Kanto in 1999." I forgot the date, so I just put the first thing that came to my mind._

* * *

"So Red leaves school and sees two grunts, one of which he decides to pick pocket. Our hero everyone. Pickpocketing the idiots in charge."

* * *

 _As I passed them, I pick-pocketed one of them. This guy had... a luxury ball. That's actually not that bad._

 _After the walk home, I saw my parents were mad at me._

 _"We just got a call from your teacher and you completely disrespected this nation. You must be punished."_

 _My mom took out the beating stick. Normally, I'd bend down and get smacked repeatedly, but I was tired today. I bent down like I was following orders, then grabbed the stick and broke it in two._

* * *

"Of course, this ends badly."

* * *

 _My mom was shocked, and then moved to furious. My dad just stood out to the side._

 _"HOW DARE YOU DO THAT? IT IS ILLEGAL!"_

 _"What are you going to do now? Yell at me? I'm so scared."_

 _"YOUR CAREER WILL BE DECIDED SOON AND IF YOU KEEP UP THIS BEHAVIOR THAN YOU MAY GO INTO THE WORKERS OR MAYBE THE LAB RATTATAS."_

* * *

Princess Luna: _This is the traditional Royal Canterlot Voice! It is tradition to speak using the royal 'we', and to use **THIS MUCH VOLUME WHEN ADDRESSING OUR SUBJECTS!** "_

"Yep."

* * *

 _I was slightly afraid of that. When someone turns 15, they get a career given to them. I can't get out of it, and most disobedient children will go into the fields or just disappear._

 _"It's my life. Right now, I'm alive. You just follow the rules blindly and are already dead."_

 _That is my belief that I have held onto. We get our food easy, I just go to school, go home, eat, and sleep. The cycle never ends. Doing anything out of the ordinary made life worth living._

 _I ran away before my mother could say anything and jumped in bed. To prevent people from running away in the middle of the night, the doors lock. Also, to make it easier to sleep, it's soundproof. Makes it easy to escape my mom's wrath._

 _I had some thinking to do. Tomorrow, I would be 15 and given a job. Given how I have been doing in school, I would be lucky to live in a home._

 _For now, I just had to sleep and wait for tomorrow to come._

* * *

"Red honestly doesn't feel like a hero. He's really a rebellious teenager. Come on, Team Rocket is bad, but they haven't been doing things so horrifically evil - Scratch that. We've been informed that they're doing evil, but not shown. So we head off to the 'Civil Service Exam' as I like to call it after a dream with an unknown figure calling out to him."

* * *

 _A voice came through the speaker system. "Red. You are about to enter a series of tests to determine the best position for you. Your first test checks ability. You must leave this room as soon as you can. If you do nothing, the doors will close in. Go!"_

* * *

"The doors close in or the walls?"

* * *

 _I examined the room. There was a door that was touching the ceiling. There were small slots, too small for my hands or toes. There the tiles in the room were loose. I figured out what I was supposed to do, but instead, I'm going to do something different._

 _I lied down on the floor._

 _"Red, the walls are closing in. When you go back to productive work, they will stop."_

 _The announcer was right, as the walls did move. I waited for 30 seconds, and the walls were far enough away to give me space to stand but close enough so I can touch them at the same time. I put my legs in both walls and pushed up with my hands. It wasn't easy but I did manage to reach the door without using any tiles._

 _"Red, although it is not how you were supposed to solve it, you did do it in record time."_

* * *

"I honestly should say he's a Marty Stu, but we will have to wait."

* * *

 _"Now, your final challenge is to defeat this Pokémon. The Pokémon you fight is based on how fast you completed the other parts of the course. You will have fun."_

 _A cage dropped down. Inside was a Charmander. It made sense, since an average human can barely take on any Pokémon, so they probably use Magikarps or Caterpies for this part._

 _The cage door opened and he immediately started with a Ember. I took out my secret weapon._

 _I took out the Luxury Ball I stole from the grunt a little while ago. I knew I would have to fight a Pokémon, so this way, I can capture it._

 _I couldn't let the camera see it, so when Charmander got close, I showed it to him. He looked at me like I just made his day, and then tapped the button himself._

* * *

"Honestly, who runs this place? How has their not been open rebellion because this place is more dangerous than May's cooking."

"I GIVE YOU PEOPLE FOOD POISONING ONE TIME!" May yelled from down the hall.

* * *

 _"Red, I do not know how you made it disappear, but that was the fastest anyone's ever completed the course. Please step in the next room to be given your job."_

* * *

"Hard to believe these people took over the world!" Michael said sarcastically, "So he meets with the big boss and finds out about his job."

* * *

 _"Oh, I have my ways. And about the Charmander, don't worry; I'm not going to make you get rid of it. In fact, I want you to keep it for your new job: Rocket Admin."_

 _"WAIT, WHAT?"_

 _"You can think outside of the box, and I like that. You seem like the perfect candidate to be the next admin. Now, come with me. We will be taking a plane to your new home. I am certain you will enjoy it."_

* * *

"Considering how stupid your office workers are, I'm not surprised you gave a teenager a job of such importance. Then Giovanni gives him an admin mansion (a teenager of all people). And that's the end of chapter 1."

"My biggest gripe is how cliche the first chapter is. Red is still that brooding teenager. Team Rocket is just as stupid as their anime counterparts. WHO GIVES A TEENAGE A JOB OF SUCH IMPORTANCE."

"The purpose of a first chapter is get us interested, but I'm really not interested."


	3. The Prayer Ponies Chapter 1

_**Hugh the Critic**_

 _ **Presents**_

 _ **"The Prayer Ponies: Charity's Adventure" Chapter 1**_

"This is just plain bad. It's not even the 'so bad, it's good' kind of bad." Hugh said, "Let's get on with it."

* * *

 _Warning/ if you are an atheist and get easily offended with religious things, this fanfic is not for you. It contains Christian themes. By continuing reading you agree to not complain. You have been warned. This also no a troll-fic, so do not come and complain. I have had Ten, a member of Literate Union, to look over this fanfic and he said that it was alright to be published on this site. If you are critique, do it on the story telling merits. I have done my research and talking about God and Jesus is not against the rules. If there are any errors please tell me and I will make an effort to correct them._

 _Disclaimer/ I do not own My Little Pony or the Bible – God does._

* * *

"Religious fics are allowed, but being a jerk isn't."

* * *

 _Charity was new in Ponyville so she did not know that many people there. She was a good Christian Pony and had known Jesus for most of her life._

* * *

"You know the amount of plot holes the second sentence just opened? Really, was there a Roman Empire in Equestria? Was there a Persian Empire too? Two sentences in and you already opened a bunch of plot holes and defiled canon."

* * *

 _She was a good pony and had never done anything that was illegal or sinful._

* * *

"The author harks about doing research on the rules but should have harked about doing research on the religion you're writing about. I actually took several classes just to review stuff like this. The only people free of sin are Jesus and Mary. Mary is held as sinless in the Catholic Church, but not in all denominations."

* * *

 _The most important thing was that she had never practised magic at all and this was because Moses told us in the Bible that we should not suffer a witch and that Paul told his followers to burn all books about witchcraft._

* * *

"Witchcraft refers to making deals with the devil in order to gain power or using forbidden divination techniques. Witchcraft portrayed in _Harry Potter_ and, to some extent, Marvel Comics are mere DNA traits. It's like growing up with blue eyes or some genetic disease. You can't change that about you. And I'm sure the Judeo-Christian God sees friendship as a good thing considering his Bible says to love your neighbors as yourself. And if friendship is magic, then just why would he force that upon people?"

* * *

 _She decided to go to Ponyville about the true way of Christ and how magic is really evil._

* * *

"Sure, let's not forget that shoving your beliefs down someone else's throat is not being kind to people. The covert or die stance does not work because the person is not willfully converting. Shoving it down someone's throat is just as bad."

* * *

 _The first person Charity met in Ponyville was Twilight Sparkle. The unicorn was purple, even her hair, although she had pink streaks in it. She also had a pink star as her cuttie mark. She was studying a pile of books. Charity was not sure what books they were, but she decided to ask Twilight Sparkle what book they were._

 _"Hello, my name is Charity," she said. "Would you be able to tell me what this books you are reading is about?"_

 _"Hello Charity," said Twilight Sparkle. "This book is about the history of Ponyville and how Princess Celestia managed to build Ponyville with her sister, Princess Luna. But Princess Luna went crazy and tried to take over the world. She was sent to the moon before trying to come back. But she is all good again."_

 _"Wow," said Charity. She was very interested in what Twilight Sparkle was reading. But the most interesting thing she wanted to know is if Ponyville practised Christianity or not. "Just wondering though, at any point in Ponyville's history, has any of you ever practice Christianity?"_

* * *

"Oh boy"

* * *

 _"Christianity?" pondered Twilight Sparkle in a state of cluelessness. She looked very confused, as if she did not know what Charity was talking about. "What is that about? Is that about crisps?" Charity was shocked at what she was saying, but she decided to forgive her – she was living in ignorance. It was not her fault that no one had ever told her about Jesus and the sacrifice he made for us all._

* * *

"I'm still hung up on the fact there is a pony Jesus."

* * *

 _"Christianity is all about the sacrifice that Jesus made for us by dying on the cross. By doing this, he allowed us to have eternal life, but only if we followed his holy commandments. These commandments were given to us a thousand years before that but people ignored it. Jesus came back to remind us about the commitment of God. What do you think of that," Charity explained. Twilight Sparkle eyes sparkled up just like her namesake. She looked really interested in Christianity._

* * *

"Out of character. One stupid scene with Princess Celestia later."

* * *

 _"Leave this room at once," she said in a very low and sinister voice. Suddenly some evil spell came upon Twilight Sparkle and Charity which transported them out of the castle and into the evil woods, which had sinister looking trees staring at them. And unlike the other trees, these trees could not be convinced into not being evil._

* * *

"Yes, because the princess would totally do that in canon, moron. Here is what the author said at the beginning of the story."

* * *

 _Hey this is Noah, Ebony`s cousin. Just to let you know, a group of hackers hacked into my cousin`s account. This also happened to my brother Tom`s too. This meant that there are a few hacked that aren`t correct. No my family aren`t trolls. We might be crazy and dysfunctional at times but deep down we are friendly loving people. Please don`t judge us. We might have different views but that creates variety. I don`t exactly approve of my brother`s works but deep down he wants peace. He just has a different way of expressing that. I prefer Ebony`s works, especially her nonreligious stuff, and even this fanfic aren`t that bad. I think it`s less offensive. So if you're interested in Christianity then give this fanfic a go. If accepting Christ as your savior then that`s fine with me. You gave this fanfic a go and that is the best you can do. Just please don`t be judgmental. Those without sin throw the first stone. Please keep that in mind. Thanks and enjoy this fanfic. Ebony has given me permission to repost this fanfic and she hopes to write more after she finish a school assignment. ~Noahmania._

* * *

"I wouldn't be surprised if this is a troll fic, but whether it's a troll fic or not, it's bad. There is no comical value to this crap."

"Charity is a flat out Mary Sue. "

"But there's more. The Prayer Warriors are a bunch of hacks because they can't write any decent literature for their lives. I'm going to be very generous and burn this stupid thing."

* * *

 _ **Editor's Note: Happy Halloween everyone! I'm surprised I approved of such a crappy story. So yeah, The Prayer Warriors and their associates are either trolls or blithering hacks.**_


	4. Everything Wrong with Yami and Yaoi

_**League of Trainer Critics**_

 _ **Presnets**_

 _ **Everything Wrong with "Yami and Yaoi" by Vanya-Deyja**_

* * *

 _ **READ THIS PLEASE!-This is something, incredibly random, that I though up during an email. It's my own version of the "Nicene Creed"**_

 _ **If you are religious, this was NOT CREATED TO INSULT anyone of the catholic faith. Just something I thought some of you might enjoy so I decided to share it.**_

 _ **I respect all religions, and mean no ill faith to any catholic followers or their god.**_

* * *

"7 lines of author's notes." +7

* * *

 _We believe in one obsession, the YAOI almighty_

 _Maker of Citrus and Leather,_

 _All make out sessions seen and unseen._

* * *

"Lord have mercy" +1

* * *

 _We believe in one bishie- Yami Atem_

 _The only lover of Yugi,_

 _Eternally smitten of the Hikari._

 _Dark to Light, Light to Dark,_

 _Leather lord to Leather lord,_

 _Smitten, not forgotten,_

 _Of one love being with them._

* * *

"Christ have mercy." +1

* * *

Through the Yamis all drool is created.

* * *

"Lord have mercy." +1

* * *

 _For us and for our entertainment,_

 _He came from Japanese studios,_

 _By the power of the holy electric box._

 _He became incarnate with Yugi,_

 _And was made a man._

* * *

"This is not only unimaginative, but disgusting. Hell, couldn't you have come up with something people don't say in mass?" +1

* * *

 _For our amusement he suffered,_

 _He suffered tight pants and battle speeches._

* * *

"This author has balls of steel to write this." +1

* * *

 _On the third day he rose again,_

 _In accordance with the Fan-Fictions;_

 _He ascended into paradise,_

 _And was seated at the right hand of the Hikaris._

* * *

"He not only has a big dick, but is a big dick." +1

* * *

 _He will come to judge the gay and straight,_

 _And his fan-girls will know no limit._

* * *

+1 "for obvious reasons"

* * *

 _We believe in the holy box, YAOI and the leather giver_

 _Who proceeds from the east to the west._

* * *

*Sighs* +1

* * *

 _With the Yamis and Hikaris he is worshiped and glorified._

 _He has spoken through the Fan-Girls._

* * *

*Headdesk* + 1

* * *

 _We believe in only one perverted YAOI and YURI fan site._

 _We acknowledge one's citrus and forgiveness of flames._

 _We look for the resurrection of the Yamis_

 _And the better dubbing to come._

 _A-man_

* * *

"It's over" -1

Total: 15

"Wait one second." + Infinity "Because I can."

15+ Infinity

* * *

 _ **Editor's Notes: I have no words. Not many jokes can be made out of this blasphemous crap.**_


	5. It a Fennekin life

_**Serena the Critic**_

 _ **Presents**_

 _ **"**_ **It a Fennekin life** _ **" By: arvinsharifzadeh**_

"Hello, I'm Serena. I remember it so you don't have to." she said, "This one is just poorly written. If you thought 'It's a Wishful Life' from the _Fairly Odd Parents_ was bad, this is worse."

* * *

 _At the forest, Ash, Clemont, Serena, and Bonnie are having lunch with their Pokemon._

 _Ash said, "Hmm, this is good."_

 _Serena said, "Thanks Ash."_

* * *

"Let's see here. Lack of details and script-like format." Serena facepalmed.

* * *

 _Clemont said, "So, when can we head on to your next Gym Battle?"_

 _Ash said, "Right after lunch."_

 _Serena said, "No fair, my showcase is like a few day away."_

* * *

"DAYS. D-A-Y-S. DAYS. proofread this!" Serena ranted, "Do you know what's worse than this line? It's the ones right after it."

* * *

 _Ash said, "So, it not like there isn't gonna be another one."_

 _Serena said, "Well, that is true."_

* * *

"Waitwaitwait you pair of hacks. There are a few things wrong with this statement. A gym can operate so long as the leader has a full team, is present at the gym that's not destroyed, and free of personal turmoil. A showcase, as far as the anime tells us, happens like your local fair."

* * *

 _Fennekin said, "Pikachu, I don't get it. Why does Ash want his badges so badly?"_

 _Pikachu said, "He just like to be a Pokemon Master."_

 _Fennekin said, "But, isn't his journey going a little too far?"_

* * *

"So it's going to be one of _those_ stories. In that case, it excuses _ **absolutely nothing.**_ "

* * *

 _Pikachu said, "What you mean?"_

 _Fennekin said, "Well, we always end up into trouble. What was the reason why Team Rocket strikes every time?"_

* * *

"No matter how inept at their job the TRio may be, the idiot fox has a point. They are still part of organized crime, and no parent wants to see their kid and their pokemon die before them. TRio may be incompetent, but their boss is shown to be as monstrous as their game counterpart."

* * *

 _Pikachu said, "Well, Team Rocket only wanted to capture me, because I was a rare Pokemon."_

 _Fennekin said, "So is that why Team Rocket is capturing our Pokemon?"_

 _Pikachu said, "No."_

 _Fennekin said, "Oh I get it. You and Ash are trying to get us together so they can try to capture our Pokemon."_

* * *

"You mons don't own each other. Trainers don't even own you. Unless you're Team Whatever."

* * *

 _Pikachu said, "What, that crazy talk. Ash would never do that."_

 _Fennekin said, "If Ash wasn't here, Serena and I would be at the showcase by now."_

 _Pikachu said, "Now Fennekin, I think it fun having Ash around."_

 _Fennekin said, "Oh brother."_

* * *

"Please tell me this thing evolves and matures. Please tell me anime Serena notices this." she chanted.

* * *

 _As Ash was eating his food, he accidently spill some food on Fennekin's head, causing her to use flamethrower on Ash._

 _Serena said, "Oh my gosh, are you okay?"_

 _Ash said, "Ow."_

 _Clemont said, "Don't worry, there is no reason to get all fired up. Get it."_

* * *

"Lemon brain. Bad timing."

* * *

 _Bonnie said, "I don't see the different."_

 _Serena said, "Here, let me both take you to the lake to clean up."_

 _So Serena took Ash and Fennekin to the lake to clean them up._

 _Serena said, "There, are you okay?"_

 _Ash said, "Yeah, thanks."_

 _Fennekin said, "Thanks you."_

 _Serena said, "Your welcome."_

 _Ash said, "Sorry Fennekin, I should've been more careful."_

 _Fennekin growls and started attacking Ash._

 _Serena said, "Fennekin, stop that."_

 _Serena picked up Fennekin. She then slipped and she started to run off._

* * *

"The drama is completely meaningless, and the format makes it worse."

* * *

 _Ash said, "Man, what with her?"_

 _Serena said, "I don't know. I think she just got upset."_

 _Ash said, "Oh."_

 _Fennekin was running as fast as she could. Soon, she stopped. In her mind, she said, "I can't believe that kid. He is the worst trainer ever. If only I could go back in time and wish he was never born."_

* * *

"In her mind? Have you ever heard of the word thought?"

* * *

 _Soon, Fennekin saw a light. She saw a Pokemon named Jirachi._

 _Fennekin said, "Who are you?"_

 _Jirachi said, "I am your guardian angel. I heard what you been doing."_

* * *

... digivolve to Angemon

"What? This thing is already poorly thought out. I can't see why we should include an unexplained crossover."

* * *

 _Fennekin said, "It none of your business."_

 _Jirachi said, "Fennekin, what wrong?"_

* * *

"Prooooooffffffffffrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaadddddddddd"

* * *

 _Fennekin said, "Ash got me all dirty again. This is the thousand times he does that. I wish he was never born."_

 _Jirachi gasped and said, "Say that again."_

 _Fennekin said, "I said, I WISH ASH WAS NEVER BORN!"_

 _Jirachi said, "As you wish."_

 _So Jirachi use her power to change the world to when Ash was never born._

* * *

Serena plays part of the track of "Friend Like Me," a song much better than this abomination.

* * *

 _Jirachi said, "There you go."_

 _Fennekin said, "I don't feel anything."_

 _Jirachi said, "When you get back to your trainer, you'll see the different."_

 _With that, Jirachi disappeared. Later, Serena came here, looking for Fennekin._

 _Serena said, "Fennekin, are you okay?"_

 _Fennekin said, "I'm fine."_

 _Serena said, "Come on, you and I gotta hurry to the showcase."_

* * *

"She can understand her? As in, in English? No translation devices? No telepathy? No magic spell?"

* * *

 _So Serena took Fennekin to the next town for their next showcase. When they saw the sign, the showcase is gonna be here tomorrow. Serena and Fennekin were shocked._

 _Serena said, "Tomorrow, I guess we came here too early."_

 _Fennekin said, "I guess so."_

 _Serena said, "Well, while were here, I'm gonna go shopping, wanna come."_

 _Fennekin said, "Actually, I think I'll stay here for a while."_

 _Serena said, "Alright, be safe."_

* * *

"No language classes?"

* * *

 _After Serena left, Jirachi reappeared._

 _Fennekin said, "Jirachi, your back."_

 _Jirachi said, "Yes, without Ash, you would have to wait for the contest tomorrow."_

 _Fennekin said, "Well yeah, but if we did head to the Gym, we would be late."_

 _Jirachi said, "Now I will take you to all the place where Ash have travel with his companion, when he was never born."_

* * *

"Now Jirachi takes him to Kanto where he sees that Team Rocket now has Pikachu. The same Pikachu they wouldn't discover until their attack on the Pokemon Center. Plot hole. Major plot hole."

* * *

 _Fennekin said, "Wait, Team Rocket as trainer, no motto, no uniform, what happened?"_

 _Jirachi said, "You see, Giovanni was Ash father. Also the boss of Team Rocket. Delia and Giovanni had a divorce, because he want Ash to join Team Rocket. However, if Ash wasn't born, Team Rocket would never exist."_

* * *

"Thank you arvinsharifzadeh for explaining absolutely nothing! It's been established in the anime that Ash was born long after Team Rocket was established. Jessie's mother was an operative herself while Giovanni inherited the gang. It doesn't even make sense in the explanation presented because Giovanni would still lead the gang because he is a horrible person."

* * *

 _So Jirachi teleported Fennekin to the bike race._

 _Fennekin said, "Uh Jirachi, what are we doing here?"_

 _Jirachi said, "Do you see that girl with the orange hair?"_

 _Fennekin said, "Yeah."_

 _Jirachi said, "That was Ash first companion."_

 _Fennekin said, "So, how did she met Ash?"_

 _Jirachi said, "When Ash and Pikachu were being chase by Spearow, Ash destroyed Misty's bike. However, if Misty's bike wasn't destroyed, she would've entered the bike race and won a trophy."_

* * *

"What?"

* * *

 _Fennekin said, "Wow."_

 _Jirachi said, "Come, I must show you some place else."_

 _Jirachi teleported Fennekin to Pewter City._

 _Fennekin said, "Whoa, what is this place?"_

 _Jirachi said, "This is Pewter City. This is where Brock lives."_

 _Fennekin said, "Let me guess, Brock also travel with Ash."_

 _Jirachi said, "Yes and if Ash didn't exist, Brock would've stayed in the gym."_

 _Fennekin said, "Whoa."_

* * *

"That dialogue. Why?"

* * *

 _Jirachi said, "Come. There is something else I like to show you."_

 _So Jirachi teleported Fennekin to the Orange Island._

 _Fennekin said, "Whoa, now where are we?"_

 _Jirachi said, "You are now in the Orange Island. This is where Tracey started to travel with Ash. However, if he hadn't travel with Ash, he would've still continue being a Pokemon Watcher and he would never have help Professor Oak."_

 _Fennekin said, "Wow, I didn't know he did that."_

 _Jirachi said, "Now, to our next stop."_

 _So Jirachi teleported Fennekin to the Hoenn Region._

* * *

"This is a good thing?"

* * *

 _Fennekin said, "Whoa, where are we?"_

 _Jirachi said, "This is the Hoenn Region. Ash two new companion is May and Max._

 _Fennekin said, "Whoa."_

 _Jirachi said, "If Ash wasn't there, May would've went on her journey alone and Max would've stayed at home."_

 _Fennekin said, "Whoa."_

 _Jirachi said, "Come. There are still a couple more thing I need to show you."_

 _Jirachi teleported Fennekin to the Sinnoh Region."_

 _Fennekin said, "Uh, where are we?"_

 _Jirachi said, "This is the Sinnoh Region. Ash next companion was Dawn. If Ash wasn't there, her bike would've not get destroyed and she would've gone to her journey quicker."_

 _Fennekin said, "Let me guess, she also went to contest right."_

 _Jirachi said, "Exactly, now on to our next place."_

* * *

"Canon says that it's a little more complex than that."

* * *

 _So Jirachi teleported Fennekin to the Unova Region._

 _Fennekin said, "Whoa, where are we?"_

 _Jirachi said, "This is the Unova Region. Ash next two companion was Iris and Cilan. If Ash wasn't there, Iris would've been a Dragon Master quicker and Cilan would still be at the Gym with his brothers."_

 _Fennekin said, "Wow, I didn't know Iris would be a Dragon Master."_

 _Jirachi said, "Now I must show you one more place."_

* * *

"This is just as poorly written as One More Day and destroys canon just as much."

* * *

 _So Jirachi teleported Fennekin to the Kalos Region._

 _Fennekin said, "Wow, this is home."_

 _Jirachi said, "Yes, if Ash wasn't born, you and Serena would go to Showcases. Clemont and Bonnie would still be at the Gym."_

 _Fennekin said, "Wow, so it was Ash fault. He made his friends missed so many opportunity."_

* * *

"YOOOOOOOUUUU SSSSSSSSTTTTTTTUUUUUUUUPPPPPPPIIIIIIIDDDD FFFFFFOOOOOOXXXXX"

* * *

 _Jirachi said, "Yes, now would you rather live in a world without Ash."_

 _Fennekin said, "Yes I would."_

 _Jirachi said, "Very well."_

 _So Jirachi teleported Fennekin back to where Serena is._

 _Fennekin said, "Huh, where Jirachi?"_

 _Serena said, "Hey Fennekin, are you ready to go to our next contest?"_

 _Fennekin said, "Yes."_

 _Serena said, "Alright then, let go."_

 _So Serena and Fennekin went on to their next showcase._

* * *

"That was awful."

"Fennekin is the worst. She's all out of character and a mouthpiece for the author to rant and rave about Ash. She talks as if Ash talks about past adventures."

"The formatting is the worst. It's a script fic poorly disguised as something you would see in a book. Proofreading was clearly neglected."

"The canon of Pokemon was utterly destroyed. It's like someone washed it in urine, dried it with feces, ate it, vomited it out, and blew his or her nose into it. If it wasn't for Ash, Arceus would probably tear down Michina Town, retrieved the Jewel of Life, use the mind plate to telekinetically strangle all the humans on the planet, and be on its merry way."

"That's not counting Mewtwo who would hurricane the Earth to oblivion, the imbalance caused by the birds, the spell of the Unown, Dark Celebi, Life draining fake Groudon, Deoxys and Raquaza, the Creation Trio, the Tao Trio, Xeneas and Yveltal, and who knows what."

"I personally don't like Ash myself, but I hate the defilement of canon even more."

"Serena the Critic signing off."


	6. Chosen Hearts

Wally the Critic

Presents

"Chosen Hearts"

 _ **Chosen Hearts**_

 _By: KeybladeWielderVeritas_

 _This is a re-imagining of the Kingdom Hearts series with new characters, new worlds based around anime shows, new story, but some familiar feelings to it. The story features teenager Veritas Keyheart, who is whisked away from his home to fight creatures of darkness known as the Heartless as he searches for his friends Kasumi and Luna along with his newfound partner Hikari Lionheart_

 _Rated: Fiction T - English - Adventure/Fantasy - OC - Chapters: 5 - Words: 10,489 - Follows: 3 - Updated: 5h ago - Published: Oct 14 - id: 11559442_

* * *

"Welcome to Those Kids with a Typewriter where bad fanfiction burns. You know the Kingdom Hearts universe with its melding with the Final Fantasy franchise making people think they'll ruin Square forever only to succeed." Wally said in one breath, "But here is a revision of it. I have to say. It really can't stand on its own."

* * *

 _ **Prologue**_

 _ **Awakening**_

 _ **[Veritas]**_

 _I opened my eyes to see pure darkness. I was falling towards an endless abyss. 'Where...am I?' I thought. I managed to straighten myself out so I was falling feet first. After a couple minutes, I landed on an invisible surface. Suddenly, the darkness under me transformed into white butterflies that flew up to the sky, revealing a large, circular, mosaic, luminous platform with a portrait of me in a sleep-like state on it._

* * *

"So here we meet Veritas. Veritas in Roman mythology was the goddess of truth. In the games, they had a land-sea-sky naming theme going on, but here they start with truth. Why?" Wally said.

* * *

 _"Hello?….Kasumi?…..Luna….?" I called out. It was quiet for a couple seconds until a mysterious voice replied._

* * *

"Kasumi means mist and Luna means moon... I don't see a pattern. Mist and moon can go together because they both involve water, but truth makes no sense."

* * *

 _"So much to do...so little time…" it said. "Who are you?" I asked. "All will be answered soon chosen one." it said. 'Chosen one?' I thought. "However, I want you to answer a few questions. Is that okay?" the voice asked. "I guess so…" I said._

* * *

"Are you mad at the return key or something?"

* * *

 _As I said that, an illusion of a person appeared before me. It was a boy in his teens with slicked back white hair with glasses over his amber eyes. He had a black jacket on over a purple shirt. He had on black jeans and black sneakers._

* * *

"Waitwaitwait, what the heck happened to the over-the-top zippers and belts? _**It's not Kingdom Hearts without the zippers and belts!**_ "

* * *

 _"This boy, do you know him?" the voice asked. "Yeah, of course. That's my best friend Kasumi Highwind. We've been friends ever since elementary school." I said. "And how would you describe him?" the voice then asked. "He's cool and collected most of the time. He's does give off a tough guy act, but deep down, he's super caring." I said. "Interesting…" the voice said._

* * *

"I would also like to note that you're giving a complete stranger answers on your friend. Yep, you are certainly a good friend Veritas."

* * *

 _The Kasumi illusion disappeared and another illusion appeared in front of me. This time, it was of a girl in her teens with purple hair pulled back in a ponytail and purple eyes. She wore a green jacket over a white tank top. She wore black leggings with tan shorts over it with black boots. "Now do you know this girl?" the voice asked. "Sure do. That's Luna Thalassa, she's been my neighbor and best friend since we were babies." I said. "And what's her personality?" said the voice. "She's one of the nicest people I know. She's always trying to make people smile." I said. "I see…" the voice said._

 _That illusion, like the one before it, disappeared to be replaced with another illusion. This one was of a boy in his teens as well with medium long, spiky, brown hair with jade green eyes. He wore a black hoodie over a red t-shirt with jeans and high top sneakers. He also had on goggles and a chain necklace with a crown charm on it. "This is the final illusion. Who is this and tell me about him." the voice said. "What kind of question is that? That's me, Veritas Keyheart. The only way to describe myself is that I would do anything to help out a friend." I said. "Hmm, very charitable of you…" the voice said._

* * *

"Very charitable of you? Very charitable of you!? That's how you want to be remembered? That's what you see in the mirror! Oh, wait, that's the author's relationship with the enter key. Sorry about that. After the stain glass shatters revealing another one, yadayadayada, we go to chapter one."

* * *

 _I sat up in a panic. I was sweating intensely and breathing heavily. I looked to see I was in my room. 'It was just a dream... a really messed up dream.' I thought. I sat at the side of my bed and rubbed my face. "But...it seemed so real." I said to myself. I then heard a knock on my door. "Veritas, are you awake yet?" I heard my mom say. "Yeah, just woke up. I'll be down in a few." I said. I got up and stretched and walked over to my closet and opened it up. I grabbed some clothes and put them on. I then went to my desk and grabbed my necklace and goggles and put it on. As I was leaving my room, I looked at the mirror and noticed I had on the same clothes from the dream. 'Huh, weird.' I thought. I shrugged and opened my door and headed downstairs._

 _I got downstairs and walked through the living room to get to the kitchen. As I did, I was stopped by my dad. "Hey there kiddo, sleep well?" he asked. "Eh, had better nights." I said. I looked at the tv and saw that the news was on. It was a weather segment and the weatherman was describing how there was a storm coming to the island. From what he was saying, it was gonna be the worse one this year. "Man, that storm looks horrible." I said. "Hopefully it doesn't cause too much damage." Dad said. I then walked to the kitchen and sat down at the table. Mom was cleaning the counter. "Morning Veritas." she said. "Mornin'." I said. I grabbed an apple from the fruit bowl on the table and took a bite._

* * *

"Hello ... Breakfast ... most important meal of the day that gives energy to your brain..." Wally said, "One wall of text I'm not willing to go through and pick out who's talking to who later."

* * *

 _As I got outside, I was greeted by a salty sea smell and a cool breeze. Luna was waiting for me right outside my door. "Come on, let's go." she said. We began walking. I put my hands behind my head and looked up to the blue sky and smiled. It was a common sight on Legatum Islands, especially in Destiny Village (My hometown)._

* * *

"No no no. Correct grammar says that you should put this. Destiny Village, my hometown. That parenthesis tell people they can just skip over that."

* * *

 _The sky is always deep blue and very rarely changes (except for night and stormy days). "Hey Veritas, tomorrow I was heading to Purity Island to check out what the merchants got. Want me to get you anything?" she asked. I thought about it but couldn't of anything. "No thank you. The merchants don't really get anything good till summer." I said. "Summer? Please, they get the best goods in spring." Luna said. "Oh whatever!" I said._

* * *

"So that was pointless..."

* * *

 _After a while of walking, we got to the pier to see Kasumi sitting on the dock next to his boat (well, parent's speed boat)._

* * *

"You're letting a teenager use a speed boat." Wally said holding this thumb up, "A+ parenting right there. I guess you can justify it by saying that they're on island where speed boats are cars, but these people are like fourteen or fifteen."

* * *

 _"Yo, Kasumi." I said as Luna and I walked up to him. He turned to us. "Oh hey, took you guys long enough." he said, getting up. "Sorry, Veritas forgot we were going to Fate Forest today." Luna said. "Really? You're gonna throw me under the bus like that?" I asked. Kasumi got in the boat. "Alright, let's just get this done and over with." he said. We entered the boat and sat down. Kasumi turned the boat on and sped towards the island. I then started to remember my dream last night. 'I'm the only one to open the door in the future…I hold the mightiest weapon of all…what is that even supposed to mean?' I thought. "Hey Veritas, you okay? You looked really worried." Luna said. "Huh? Oh, nothing. Just thinking over a dream I had last night. It's nothing though." I said._

* * *

"So he's now pondering this stuff?"

* * *

 _We came up to the island and docked near the beach. We got out of the boat and looked at the large forest. It was full of evergreen pine trees. "So what kind of project are you doing?" I asked Kasumi. "I'm doing a report of the animals that live in this forest and the effect of being secluded to an island." he said. "And you need us for what?" I asked. "Company. I would get kind of bored and lonely out here." he said. 'Fair enough reason.' I said. "Well let's go." Luna said, running into a forest. "H-hey! Wait up!" I shouted. I ran after her, Kasumi following close behind._

* * *

"I'm actually going to give the author props for giving Kasumi some personality other than the cliche brooding one."

* * *

 _After a couple minutes of running, we finally caught up with Luna, who was staring at a group of squirrels in the distance. "Guys, look at them. Aren't they adorable?" she asked. "I guess so." I said. Suddenly, the squirrels quickly stood up and scattered away in a panic. "Did they notice us?" Kasumi asked. Suddenly, birds and the trees started to fly away. We could tell they were in a panic as well because they started flying into each other and bumping each other. "Okay, now that's not normal." I said. "Let's follow them." Luna said. She then ran off into the forest. "Jesus, stop running Luna!" Kasumi yelled, running after her. "Wait up!" I shouted. I went to run after them. After a couple minutes of running, I couldn't find them. 'S***, I lost them.' I thought._

* * *

"Jesus exists in the revision of the Kingdom Hearts universe? Maybe I'm biting way too much into this AU, but you need to give me an explanation on this. The Catholic Church exists in the Kingdom Hearts universe, but explanations are not given for both canon and the AU. **I demand one!** "

* * *

 _I looked to my right to see a cave. "A cave? Since when was there a cave in this forest?" I asked myself. I don't know why, but something deep down wanted me to go inside. I decided to go inside. Upon entering, I noticed that the cave was lit up by different colored rocks. I knelt down and grabbed a blue one and red one. "Woah, these are sweet!" I said. I looked up to see a cloak man walk deeper into the cave. 'Who's that?' I thought. I decided to follow him. I kept my distance because I wasn't sure if he was some sort of murderer. After following him for a couple minutes, we came to a dead end. On the wall was a giant door. The man touched the door. "The door…..is open." he said. He turned to me. "The door is open chosen one." he said. "What do you mean?" I asked._

 _Suddenly, the door then slammed open, releasing a forceful gust of wind. I tried fighting it, but it ended up sending me flying out of the cave. I was ejected out of the cave and slammed into a tree and fell onto the ground. I got back up and heard thunder. "A storm? I thought it wasn't coming for another couple days." I said. I then ran towards the beach, hoping Kasumi and Luna were waiting by the boat. When I got there, I noticed Kasumi standing overlooking the sea and the storm. "Kasumi! There you are, but where's Luna?" I asked. He stood in silence. "Kasumi!" I shouted. "Veritas….it's time…..it's time to follow our destiny…." he said. "Destiny? What the hell are you talking about? What happened to Luna?" I asked._

* * *

"Why did Kasumi turn into Riku? I thought he was the though guy, not the emo one."

* * *

 _Just then, dark sludge formed around his feet. He extended his hand. "Join me Veritas…..embrace the power of darkness." Kasumi said as the sludge began to absorb him. I quickly grabbed his hand and tried to pull him out but I couldn't. Within about 15 seconds, Kasumi was consumed by the sludge and disappeared. "Kasumi!" I shouted. Suddenly, a group of black creatures rose up from the ground, surrounding me. I recognized them. They were from my dream. 'What are these things?' I thought. I grabbed a stick and got in my battle stance. I ran and slashed at one, but the stick phased through it as if it was a ghost. The creature then knocked me to the ground, knocking the stick out of my hand. 'Is...this how it ends?' I thought. All of them then lunged at me. "Nooooo!" I shouted._

* * *

No. *Ding*

* * *

 _All I saw was black for a small moment until I saw a twinkle of light that became warmer and brighter. 'That light...it's so warm.' I thought. I then saw a bright flash and regained my vision. As I did, I noticed that the creatures were gone and I was holding a giant skeleton key. It was about 3 and a half feet long. The shaft and teeth were silver, the rain guard was blue, and hand guard was gold, and extended from the hilt was a keychain with an emblem of a mouse-like head represented by three circles connected together. "What is this thing?" I asked. I then heard the voice again repeat the same word five times. "Keyblade...Keyblade...Keyblade...Keyblade...Keyblade…" it said. "A...Keyblade?" I asked._

 _More creatures appeared around me. "More of them?" I asked. One of them lunged at me. I swung the Keyblade with a little bit of hope that it would defend me. The shaft struck the creature and vanquished it. I was amazed. "I… I killed it?" I said. I then turned to the rest and got in my battle stance. "Who's next?" I asked. Two ran at me. I stabbed one of them and overhead slashed the other, vanquishing both. There were three more creatures left. I ran and slashed one away from me, stabbed another, and jumped up and brought my key down upon the last one. They all vanished. I looked at the forest. "Luna!" I shouted. I was about to run into the forest until the trees were ripped from the ground and flew into a dark portal in the sky. "What the hell is that?" I asked. The ground began to crumble and be sucked into the portal. I thought it was a black hole but I noticed more of those creatures were pouring out of it._

* * *

"So he just stands there was the world is getting ripped to shreds. Good plan."

* * *

 _The ground began to crumble and be sucked into the portal. I thought it was a black hole but I noticed more of those creatures were pouring out of it._

 _"Why is this happening? What do I do?" I asked myself._

 _"Hey!" I heard a girl's voice say._

 _I turned around to see a doorway made out of pure light._

 _"Get in here! Before it's too late!" the girl said from inside the doorway._

 _'What about Luna?' I thought._

 _Suddenly, the ground began to crumble under me._

 _'S***, I don't have no other choice!' I thought._

 _I then ran towards the door, the ground crumbling and rising up from under me. Once I got close, I leapt into the doorway and landed on the white ground. I looked back as the doorway closed to see the island to be covered by black sludge._

 _"My...home….Mom...Dad...Luna…" I said._

 _"Hey, are you okay?" I heard the girl voice say. I turned my head as my vision was blinded by a flash of light._

* * *

"Okay, a reviewer named U.N. Owen decided to tell the author to use the return key. Thank you, U.N. Owen. Keep in mind we here at Those Kids with a Typewriter don't write reviews in one day."

"On a different note. If you're going to swear. Swear. It makes it look silly when you censor it. It tends to break the tension. Moving onto chapter two."

* * *

 _I regained my vision to see I was in a cozy cabin bedroom with a girl kneeling down, looking at me. She had long blonde hair with blue highlights. She wore a brown collared jacket over a yellow tank top with faded jeans and brown, knee high boots and brown fingerless gloves._

* * *

"I still demand zippers and belts."

* * *

 _"Are you okay?" she asked._

 _"Yeah, I think so." I said._

 _I got to my feet and rubbed my head. I looked around the room._

 _"Where am I? Who are you? What happened to my home?" I started to ask._

 _"Woah there, take a deep breath." she said. I inhaled deeply._

 _"Okay, who are you?" I asked._

 _"My name is Hikari Lionheart. I am a world guide for the Keyblade's chosen one." she said._

* * *

"World guide? I'm sure it's going to be explained, but in the Kingdom Hearts universe, no one knows about what's outside their own world except for a rather large minority."

* * *

 _"World Guide? Chosen one? What?" I asked._

 _"I know this might seem a bit...crazy now, but you need to calm down." she said._

 _"I can't calm down, I gotta find my friends!" I said._

 _I quickly ran out the room and ran outside to be greeted by a luscious meadow, a warm breeze, and a flowing river that originates from a nearby waterfall._

 _"What? Where am I? Luna! Kasumi!" I shouted._

 _"Hey, calm down and I'll explain what happened." Hikari said, walking outside._

* * *

"He dashes outside, and she walks," Wally said, "Because who needs logic?"

* * *

 _I turned to her. "Okay explain. What happened to my home, my friends? What are those creatures? What was that key I was using?" I asked._

 _She walked up to me and chopped me in the throat. I grabbed it and started coughing violently, falling to my knees._

 _"Shut up and let me speak!" Hikari said._

 _"S-Sorry *cough**cough*" I said._

* * *

"Sound effects on paper." *Ding*

* * *

"Okay. First off, welcome to Eterna Forest and my humble cabin. Second off, you are the Keyblade's chosen one. As such, it is your job to fight for the light and fight the darkness to help keep balance between the two." Hikari said.

* * *

"And you know this how..."

* * *

 _I got back up. "Fight the darkness? How do I do that?" I asked._

 _"Easy, fight the Heartless. They're those creatures you fought on your island." she said._

 _"What about my island? What happened to it?" I asked._

 _Hikari looked down and grabbed her arm. She had a sad expression on her face._

 _"I'm sorry, but….it's gone. It's been destroyed." she said._

 _My eyes widened and a fell back on the ground. "N-no, it can't be….You're lying." I said._

 _She shook her head. "I'm afraid I'm not." she said._

 _"What about the people on my home?" I asked._

 _"There's a slight chance they could have been sent to another world, but it's very slim." she said._

 _I got to my feet. "I hope they did." I said._

 _Suddenly, the Keyblade appeared in my hand._

 _"Huh? Where'd this come from?" I asked._

 _"The Keyblade is a very special sword, kid. Unlike other swords, it chooses its wielder based on how pure the person's heart is." Hikari said._

* * *

"Said and asked are being overused don't you think? You do realize there are other words."

* * *

 _"My heart? Isn't that just an organ that pumps blood?" I asked._

 _"I mean yes, but I'm not talking about that. The heart I'm talking about is very different. They're like, um, how do I explain this? They are able to produce emotion, they can compose memories, will, ambitions, goals, you name it. They're powerful things that not only makeup you, but all connections in your life." Hikari said._

 _"Oh, I get it….kinda…..nope, nevermind, it doesn't make sense anymore." I said._

 _"It's okay, hearts are still a mystery to even the smartest of people." she said._

* * *

"So we move onto the world guide thingy."

* * *

 _I looked at the river. "You said you were a world guide, right? What exactly is that?" I asked._

 _" A world guide is a designated person who studies almost everything about every world in the universe. We usually study hard for a chance to be assigned to a Keyblade wielder to help them get settled in to the worlds they visit." Hikari said. "Worlds? There's more than my own?" I asked._

* * *

"Keeping with the canon, there hasn't been a truly active keyblade wielder running around. The world guide also makes no sense. The universe is huge. The Kingdom Hearts universe is even bigger. To put it simply, the Realm of Darkness is half the universe, but it's so saturated in Heartless and other abominations, no one is stupid enough to map and study it, unless you're Superman."

* * *

 _She nodded. "So much more. There's a legend that each star in the night sky represent each world in the universe." she said._

 _"Really? That's pretty cool." I said._

 _"Come on, I'll explain everything over coffee." she said. I smiled._

 _"I could use a cup." I said, following her inside the cabin._

 _We spent well over 2 hours talking over everything that happened to me, why it happened, what I can do to stop it, literally everything I needed to know. However, I just had one burning question._

* * *

"Okay, I call bullcrap right here. You say that these world guides study their best to be assigned to a keyblade wielder. You implied that there is only one, but considering that there is more than one world guide, I bet there is more than one of those keyblade wielders floating around."


	7. The Power of Christ is Compelling

_**Dawn the Critic**_

 _ **Presents**_

 _ **"The Power of Christ is Compelling" By: Matthais Unidostres**_

"Welcome back to Those Kids with a Typewriter where bad fanfiction burns. As you know, we here have an affinity for religious fics. Glaceon had to deal with _My Immortal_ and _Hogwarts, School of Prayer and_ _Miracles_ , both of witch were used to burn their respective authors at the stake." Dawn said, "Okay, that was a little harsh and a bad thing to say. I'm sorry. _The Prayer Ponies_ was even worse. Let's begin on Keldeo's boss's work."

* * *

 _"Jayron, what are you reading?"_ Krystal asked telepathically.

* * *

"For those of you who don't know. Krystal is an Absol. You'd have to read another story that ties into this one to know that (or just the summary). Anyways, let's move on." Dawn said.

* * *

 _I was laying in bed in the Pokemon Trainer suite in the Pokemon Center, looked up from my pocket-sized New Testament to see the Absol looking at him from where she lay at the foot of the bed. Krystal had curiosity in her life-filled red eyes._

* * *

"What." Dawn uttered.

"You mean to tell me that there was a Roman Empire in the Pokemon world? I'm sure Gamefreak and Nintendo will have a Roman-themed region, but as of this review, there is no Roman Empire. Ugh, this is the same problem I had with _Prayer Ponies_."

* * *

 _I didn't answer right away. I stared back down at the book in my hands for a long moment, thinking hard about what I should do._

 _"Jayron?" Krystal asked, sounding a little concerned, looking embarrassed for asking._

 _I made my decision, nodding a determined "yes" to myself,and asked my friend, "Do you know who Jesus is?"_

* * *

"I'm still stuck up on the whole Roman Empire thing."

* * *

Krystal blinked at the question. She closed her eyes in thought and replied, _"I . . . I think so?"_ She wrinkled her nose as she thought harder. Then she opened her eyes and shook her head slowly, _"I'm not really sure. . ."_

I nodded just as slowly and said, "Krystal, you know that God is perfect, right?"

Krystal shrugged, _"Yes. I suppose God would kinda have to be perfect."_

"Well. . . the thing is. . . nothing else in the world is perfect. Not no nobody, not nohow."

* * *

"Except, Jesus. And Mary in the Catholic and Orthodox Churches." Dawn said, "What? The editor made me study theology for these stories."

* * *

 _Krystal just stared at me, looking unsure as to where I was going with this._

 _I continued in a serious tone, "So, you can kinda imagine that it'd be kinda impossible for something that's imperfect to associate with something that's perfect. I mean, it just wouldn't happen. There's this great divide between the perfect and, well, everything else. It's actually kinda disturbing when you think about it. I mean, what happens after we die?"_

* * *

"Ah, yes, one of the great questions of the universe. Who are we? Why are we here? What are we to do while we're here? What lies beyond death?"

* * *

 _Krystal frowned, and she had a look of uneasiness to her._

 _I tried my best to give a small smile in-spite of the sudden dark tone I had invoked, and I continued, "The good thing about all this, is that God saw all this coming. He knew all of this in advance. He cares about everything He created. He doesn't want us to be apart from Him. He loves us. So, He made plans to bring us together with Him."_

 _Krystal raised her head, and then got up from where she lay curled up and was soon sitting on her haunches, now very invested in this conversation. "What did God do?" she asked._

 _"Well, he started by laying a ground work. Stuff that we would all need later. Things to look back on. He chose people to show people back then and in the future important things to learn from. He made laws to follow, traditions to carry out. He had people make sacrifices to Him. But you know what it all really was?"_

 _Krystal didn't answer. She just nodded her head, silently asking me to give her the answer._

 _"IOU's," I said, much to Krystal's surprise, "Band-Aids. They didn't really solve the big problem. All the things people do, the selfish actions, the mistakes, the words they say, the lies, the hateful thoughts; it all added up. The fates of so many still hung in the balance. There was still a huge debt that needed to be paid. But, after so many years, the stage was set. God was ready to do what needed to be done."_

* * *

"I'm impressed. I didn't expect fanfiction to be so deep in its comparisons."

* * *

 _Krystal's eyes had widened a bit. She was breathing with her mouth open. Her body became tense with anticipation as she asked, "Come on, tell me! What did God do?"_

 _"He became a man."_

* * *

"And this is called the Incarnation."

* * *

Krystal's jaw dropped, _"Wha- How? I don't under. . ."_

I nodded and explained, "He came into the world as a baby, and grew into a normal looking man named Jesus. Of course, He was still God.

* * *

"I'm glad that the details are right, but there is a better way of expressing this."

and in Jesus Christ, his only Son, our Lord,  
who was conceived by the Holy Spirit,  
born of the Virgin Mary,

* * *

 _He told people who He was, He performed miracles, He healed people who couldn't walk or were blind, He explained how He could forgive the all of creation. Many people believed and followed Him. However, many others didn't believe. They resented Him. Many didn't want their believes challenged. Some were corrupt. Others felt threatened. So, Jesus was betrayed, mocked, spit on, and whipped until His back was torn up. And He quietly let it all happen to Him."_

 _Krystal was shaking her head and saying, "No, no, no. He couldn't have let them do that to Him? How could they, after all He did. Maybe He said some amazing things, but still. They tortured Him? And He. . . why?"_

 _"He had to. It was all part of His plan. It's what He came here to do. Then, after all that, He was killed."_

 _Krystal straight up gasped at this. "Killed?"_

 _I nodded gravely, "Yeah. Actually, I think executed was a better word."_

 _"Executed?"_

 _"Yeah. He was crucified."_

* * *

"It was more complicated than that."

* * *

 _Krystal seemed to be caught off guard by the word. "What is . . . that?" she asked cautiously._

 _I hesitated a moment before answering, not sure if I should go into the details, but then I realized that every detail of this story was important in the long run. So, I swallowed hard and said, "Normally, it's when they tie a person to big wooden cross in a certain way and break their legs so that they can't breathe and suffocate. But they made it even worse for Jesus by nailing his feet and hands to the cross, and making him drink vinegar, and then stabbing him with a spear."_

* * *

"No no no. First off, cruxifixction must be done through the wrist if you're going to use the nailing method. The hands would rip off because they can't support the weight of the body unless you had a stool to support you. That being said, the Romans would want to asphyxiate you so the stool thing is out of the question. Second, Jesus's side was pierced in order to make sure he was dead. Some people actually do survive over three days of handing on the cross."

* * *

 _Krystal's whole body was shaking. She closed her eyes and covered her face with her right forepaw. "That's . . . that's so. . . how could anybody do that to **anyone!?"**_

 _"Yeah," I said yet again as I felt the emotions build up inside me. It hurt to see Krystal react like this, but I just pushed through it. When you got down to it, this was more important than anything, something Krystal needed to know at all costs. So I continued, "And the worst part is that all of that was just symbolism for what He really had to do."_

 _Krystal uncovered her face and looked at me in utter bewilderment. "What!?" she asked._

* * *

"Yeah, most people have the same reaction."

* * *

 _This was the most important part, and perhaps the hardest. So, I got out from under the covers and moved over to where Krystal sat. Sitting close to her, to her right, I continued my explanation, "You see, Krystal, anyone can get tortured and executed. But Jesus came to do more than that. He came to pay that debt. To take care of everything all of Creation ever did and ever will do. When He died, He had to pay for billions and billions of people. People already dead, people alive at the time, and people who weren't even born yet. All of those punishments. Billions and billions of punishment. The debt of all of creation, focused on God Himself."_

* * *

"I think the number is a little higher, but I'm not sure."

* * *

Krystal's eyes widened wider than ever. Her mouth hung open slightly as she tried to comprehend the magnitude of what she was being told.

"It took Him three days to get through it all. I'm not really sure _where_ exactly Jesus was during that time. My best guest would be Hell, or at least something _like_ it. But He did it. He suffered through it. All of it."

* * *

"I would like to direct you to the Apostle's Creed."

was crucified, died, and was buried;  
he descended into hell.  
On the third day he rose again;

* * *

I gave her a sincere smile and said, "But, just dying for it wouldn't be enough. He had to show that it counted, that He had the capacity to pay for it all, that the debt had been really paid off. He had to prove his authority and qualifications to do that. So, after the third day, He came back to life."

Krystal gasped.

I nodded, "He spoke to His followers, traveled around a bit more, and then in full view of them, He ascended into Heaven, knowing that it was finished. Knowing that those He loved so much, _so much_ that He would die for them, could be saved."

 _"Wow. . ."_ Krystal said softly, _"He went through all of that. . . more than anyone could ever imagine going through, just to save us from . . ."_ Krystal felt a shudder run through her body, _". . .that. . . all because he. . . loved. . .us. . ."_

"Yes, Krystal. That's right. _But,_ that's not the end of it. Not by a long shot. There's still something _we_ have to do."

Krystal cocked her head in confusion, _"We do?"_

I began to slowly pet the back of Krystal's head with my left hand as I explained, "You see, Krystal, what Jesus did, was a gift. And a gift isn't any good if you don't accept it. It doesn't matter what's inside if you don't take it or never open it. In order for our debt to be paid, we need to accept and open it."

* * *

"The whole coming back to life trick doesn't exactly seem special in the world of Pokemon when the anime and manga have been known to use the trick. The reason why the Resurrection is so special is because Jesus came back from the dead. Lazarus did, but Jesus assisted him. What makes it so special is that Jesus came back from the dead because he wanted to."

* * *

 _"First, we have to acknowledge that the gift is real and that we need it. We need to have faith that Jesus did die for us, and that He did rise from the dead. We have to admit that we're sinners just like the rest of creation, and that we need this gift, and that we're hopeless without Jesus. Next, we have to recognize Jesus as our God and Savior, otherwise the gift would be meaningless. And with that recognition has to affect our lives. It's actually very logical. If someone pays off our debt, we should do our best not to make it bigger. Sure, we'll probably fail and make mistakes, that's the reason Jesus sacrificed Himself in the first place. But we have to make a conscious effort to do what is right to show that we return His love and appreciate what He did to us, and sincerely apologize when we fail and never give up. If we didn't, well then, our faith is pretty much worthless."_

 _I stopped petting Krystal and laid my left hand gently on her right forepaw, "So, in the end, by accepting His gift and living the live He wants for us, we can live in hope and peace in the present and the future."_

 _Krystal was silent for what felt like 15 minutes. She just quietly looked down at the blanket, apparently thinking over everything she had been told. Eventually, she looked up at me , then turned to where I had left my pocket-sized New Testament and pointed at it with her left forepaw and asked, "And that's all written in there?"_

 _I replied truthfully, "That's actually a pocket version of the second half of the Bible. The full Bible is an ancient book written by many eyewitnesses. Devoted people have carefully copied and translated it over the years, and it's been reprinted for everyone around the world to read. The Bible talks about events, gives lessons, and when all is said and done, everything in it points to Jesus."_

 _Krystal looked me in the eyes. I needed no excuse to admire those amazing red rings. Then, after another moment, Krystal said, "Is there anything else I need to know?"_

 _With a growing warmth and excitement in my heart, tempered by a touch of nervousness, I got up, went over to my bag, and took out my complete Bible. Then I sat back down besides my best friend and said, "You've got all the time I can give you."_

 _My heart was pounding just as hard as Krystal was, and my eyes were moist with tears of joy. Hearing her pray that prayer with me was an experience unlike no other._

 _The Absol's head was down, and her eyes were still closed, as if she were afraid to open them. However, they were soon forced open by her own tears of joy._

 _"I feel. . . I feel. . ." Krystal said, overcome by the purest of emotions._

 _I held her close and tight as he said softly, "I know, Krystal. I know. . ."_

 _We sat like this in silence, just enjoying the feeling of fellowship we were having with each other. I then noticed that the clock said 1:28 A.M., and I realized how long we had stayed up. Krystal had a lot of questions, and I was telling the truth when I told her that she has all the time I could give her. It didn't matter how long it took, all that mattered was the end result._

 _"I should have told you about Jesus sooner. I just wanted to wait for the right time. I'm so sorry, Krystal," I said._

 _"It's okay. God gave us the right time, didn't He?" Krystal said with a smile, her tears no a little more under control._

 _I smiled back, "So, that it then, isn't it?"_

 _Krystal nodded and said, "Yeah. We're both saved."_

 _We sat at the foot of the bed, silently holding each other for a few more minutes, then Krystal noticed the time and remarked, "Heh. Guess we're sleeping in tomorrow, right?"_

 _I just had to chuckle, and I replied, "Right. Of course."_

 _And so, hearkening back to the night when Krystal was first able to talk to me, we lay together on the bed, hugging warmly, united together in something that truly is eternal._

* * *

"The verdict." Dawn said, "This wasn't as horrible as I thought it would be. Maybe because _Prayer Ponies_ left a bad taste in everyone's mouth. Like human nature, it still has flaws. The one that immediately comes to mind is the fact that all Biblical history happened in the Pokeverse. Come on. Yes, the anime has mentioned the story of Noah's Ark, and the manga had a Christian wedding, but those raise even more questions. Also, this is way too preachy. It feels like someone is telling me how to live my life. Overall, it's not bad."

"Dawn the Critic signing off."


	8. Too Much H2O

**_League of Trainer Critics_**

 _ **Presents**_

 ** _"Too Much H2O" by_ Toadettegirl2012**

"Welcome to what was formerly known as 'Glaceon the Critic.'" Wally said, "Turns out, self-harm was a subject he couldn't stand so he decided to move to the coldest part of the Unova region with all his siblings. Yes, _My Immortal_ is that bad."

"Now enough about Glaceon. Let's talk about 'Too Much H2O.'" A Team Magma post with the meme/slogan "Too Much Water" appears.

"No, just no." Wally facepalmed.

"'Too Much H2O' is a silly story about Ash wetting his pants. After taking a few acting classes on how to be a jerk and a critic, I decided to give it a shot." Wally said, "I'm aware Keldeo already reviewed this work, but I have some opinions about it."

* * *

 _Hey guys it's me again Toadettegirl2012! I was bored yesterday and had nothing to do, so why not write a fanfic? This one is like completely random and I find it pretty funny. No shipping in this one, just a humorous fanfic about pee! hehe! Enjoy :)_

* * *

"Toilet humor is the lowest form of comedy." Wally said condescendingly, "Or is it the puns that are the lowest form of humor?"

* * *

 _It was a hot summer day in the Unova region, and three friends where walking toward the next city. The three weren't walking in their usual fashion, today the friends switched it up. Cilan was in the front following the map, Iris walked behind him and Ash was in the back (TG2012: oh no pokemon in this fic either, no hard feeling I just think that they get in the way) finishing off his third bottle of water._

* * *

"Way to go Charles Dickens, you decided to put an author's note in the middle of the story." Wally groaned, "At least Dickens got paid for the word count, made it a part of the story, and most importantly, **m** **ade the author's note make sense.** It's like getting McDonald's to stop selling their hazardous waste they call fast food. That. Doesn't. Work."

* * *

 _"Ash are you sure you should be drinking all that water?" Iris asked looking back at her friend._

 _Ash shrugged, "It's hot out here, we need to stay hydrated right?"_

 _"Yeah I guess," she said turning back around._

 _About fifteen minutes later, Ash wished he hadn't drank so much water, his bladder was now complaining about the liquid in it._

* * *

"Waitwaitwait, one second here. When it is hot outside, your body will try to retain water so it can maintain homeostasis. Why isn't it doing here?" Wally questioned.

* * *

 _'Great, now I gotta pee,'_ _he thought looking around, the path they were on had no trees or and bushes he could go behind to do his business just dirt and grass_ , _'well I don't have to go that bad anyway, I think I can wait,'_

* * *

"The world of Pokemon has an abundance of tall grass." Wally said, "What? Do you think Thundurus might go zappy-zappy?"

 _Wally!Ash:(relieving himself) Aaahhhh_

 _(Zapppppppppppppp)_

* * *

 _Five or ten minutes passed and Ash felt fine, it was about twenty minutes later when the trainer started to feel uncomfortable. Ash made a face, as his bladder sent him another signal about the urine in it, Ash bit his lip as it lasted a few seconds then left, he gave a sigh._

 _'Come on, I can hold it, my bladders not that full anyway,' he thought, then he flinched as he felt another pressure at his bladder, 'just ignore it,' he told himself._

 _Minutes past and the pressure in his bladder seem to grow worse and worse and Ash was finding it harder and harder to keep his mind off peeing. That's when ash felt a horrible pressure pass over his bladder, he grunted._

 _"Did you say something Ash?" Iris asked looking over to him._

* * *

"Iris, you cannot possibly be next to this guy and not know he's in distress." Wally said.

* * *

 _Ash shook his head, "No I didn't say anything," Iris shrugged and turned back around. Ash clenched his fist at his side, he could feel the rest of the water he had drank enter his bladder, he bit his tongue to keep from groaning. The group walked on, each step Ash was finding it harder and harder to keep from shoving his hands between his legs, each step he feared liquid would come out._

 _Ash bit his lip harder, 'Damn it, ohhh I gotta pee, bad!' he looked up at the green haired connoisseur in front, "Uh Cilan how much father do we have to go?"_

 _"According to the map about a mile and a half," Cilan answered_

 _'A mile and a half?!' Ash thought, "Er uh how long is that going to take?"_

 _Cilan shrugged, "An hour possibly an hour and a half,"_

 _Ash groaned he dug his fingernails into his palms as he felt another signal from his bladder._

* * *

"You know what? I could've made a drinking game out of this. But I'm not going to drink so much water I end up living the story in the most moronic fashion ever." Wally said.

* * *

 _"Ash your such a little kid," Iris said, "we all know you want your gym badge but we have to get there first,"_

 _Ash didn't answer as he pressed his thighs closer together, and started to take smaller steps._

* * *

"Iris, you cannot possibly not notice his desire to pee. What other boy would squeeze his thighs together in such a fashion." Wally sighed. Then he realized what he said and started to blush.

"Not that way!"

* * *

 _'Oh was does Mother Nature have to be so cruel?!'_ _Ash thought a few minutes later, he could tell that his bladder was entirely full._

* * *

"Don't blame nature for your own stupidity. That would make you a dick to nature." Wally said.

"BOOOOOOOO"

"You people." Wally sighed again.

* * *

 _The trainer quickly made sure no one was looking before stopping he crossed his legs and squeezed them tightly together he sighed as it relived some of the pressure._

 _"Come on Ash, your slowing us down," Cilan called_

 _Ash hurried to catch up, each large step made his bladder screamed for him to stop moving, when Ash caught up he pressed his legs together as close as he could to try to stop the pressure. He whimpered to himself as the pressure rush through his viens painfully, he crossed his legs for a few moments before continuing to keep up with his friends._

* * *

"It's v-e-i-n-s not v-i-e-n-s." Wally corrected.

* * *

 _'Crap, if I don't pee soon I swear to Mew my bladders going to burst!'_ _Ash thought desperately._

 _Soon the path the friends where walking on broke into a forest and trees and bushes lined the path. Ash looked at the trees wondering if he could slip away and pee behind one, but it wasn't going to be easy when the closest on was five feet away. If he tried his friends would more than likely ask questions._

 _'Ohhhh, I gotta pee!'_ _Ash thought his hands wrapped around his waist and where itching just to go between his legs_ , _'I should proabaly just tell Iris and Cilan have to go...but on the other hand it be embrassing...plus Iris will think I'm a little kid,'_ _there was another great pressure, Ash closed his eyes and clenched his teeth waiting for it to pass._

* * *

"Iris and Cilan are not so stupid that they can't recognized overly exaggerated signs of wetting yourself." Wally said.

* * *

 _Ash blinked and put his hands back at his sides trying to contain his composer, "huh oh I'm okay," he answered quickly, standing up and not moving made the pressure in his bladder increases greatly, Ash made a face of discomfort._

* * *

"Liar!"

* * *

 _"Hey Cilan," Iris called up to the connoisseur, "I think there's something wrong with Ash!"_

 _The connoisseur walked over, "You alright Ash?"_

 _"Yeah I'm fine," Ash said giving a shaky smile, he was starting to tap his foot and drum his fingers against his legs, it was the only thing that keep his hands from going between his legs and his legs not to cross over each other._

* * *

"Is everyone in this work intoxicated?"

* * *

 _"Are you sure you're not sick or anything?" Iris asked_

 _Ash shook his head, "Nope, I'm hundred percent okay," Ash said quickly, 'If I stand here any longer I think I'm gonna lose it!' Ash thought, his bladder was screaming!_

 _"You sure your not coming down with something?" Iris asked still spectcaill about her friend_

 _"I'm fine!'" Ash said a bit louder then he ment to, his bladder was starting to give off a warm sensation that he didn't like._

 _Iris sweatdropped, "Okay, Ash don't have to be such a little kid,"_

 _Cilan said shruged,"Alright if your fine then Ash let's keep moving," Iris and Cilan continued walking._

* * *

"So many misspellings."Wally exasperated. He then regained composure, "Actually, if these people were intoxicated, this fic would make more sense."

* * *

 _Ash made sure they weren't looking before looking down at his pants he had sworn during that two minute conversation he had felt liquid leak out of him. Ash didn't think much before shoving one of his hands down his pants, he felt the front of his boxers, there was a small portion that felt warm and wet._

 _Ash bit his lip and blushed, he did leak, 'At least it wasn't a lot,' he thought pulling his hand from his pants and catching up with his friends._

* * *

"Go. In. The. Trees." Wally said.

* * *

 _Ash bit his lip and blushed, he did leak, 'At least it wasn't a lot,' he thought pulling his hand from his pants and catching up with his friends._

 _More time past and the Kanto trainer was getting more and more desperate. Every couple of seconds his bladder would send him signals and each time Ash pressed his legs closer and closer together._

 _Ash was biting his lip, he didn't know how much longer he could hold it, "Cilan how much longer?"_

 _Cilan glanced back, "Ash you asked me that twenty minutes ago, we're still a good mile or so away"_

 _Ash forced himself to swallow a whimper_ , _'It's been only twenty minutes?! It felt hours!'_ Ash took a breath, _'I just need to relax that's all, I can hold it for a little_ _longer...ugh!'_ _another pressure, Ash couldn't take much more of this!_

* * *

"I know how you feel Ash. I can't take much more of _this_." Wally said.

* * *

 _A few minutes later the group was coming close to exiting the forest. Ash looked around nervously, he knew as soon as they got though the forest it be all dirt road, and he had a strong feeling he wouldn't be able to hold it much longer! Ash looked around and spotted a nearby bush, he looked toward his friends, they weren't watching, this was his chance! The trainer broke off the trail and slowly made his way over toward the bush, each slow step was agonizing but the thought of finally peeing was so great he kept moving, he couldn't miss his only chance! Ash was a few feet away from the bush, his bladder was pulsing madly and he could already feel a bit of fluid being released in steady drops, it felt warm inside his pants. Ash contined moving he was so close, so close of freedon from the pressure that toutured hims, so close-_

* * *

"Wow, you're descriptive. I'm not going to say if it was a good thing or a bad thing." Wally said.

* * *

 _"Ash where are you going?!" Iris called, wondering why her friend was standing near a bush._

 _Ash frozen, and cursed under his breath as a trail of anime tears ran down his face, he fixed his face before turning around, "Uh, I um thought I heard a noise in this bush over there," Ash laughed nervously pressing his legs a bit closer together fourcing the pee to stop it flow, "I uh guess I was wrong," he made his way back to the trail. When they weren't watching Ash let the trail of anime tears run down his face._

* * *

"I'll believe Ash swears when he wins a league."

* * *

 _Another ten minutes passed by, marking a full hour of Ash holding his pee. Ash groaned quietly he was losing the battle between him and his bladder._

 _'I can't take this anymore!' Ash though, he removed his hands from his waist and shoved them between his legs, he held his crouch and gave a good hard squeeze, Ash inwardly sighed as the action caused the pain and pressure in his bladder to decrease, 'ahhh that feels better,' he gave two more sqeezes, while ignoring the pain it brought from sqeezing his private parts, before regaining composer. Ash did this every time he felt he was losing control of his bladder; it went on for about ten minutes before something caught his attention._

* * *

"Crotch. TG2012 means crotch. Ash is squeezing his crotch. Let's just skip the pointless waterfall scene."

* * *

" _A POKEMON CENTER?!" Ash cried, he raced past his friends toward the building_

 _"Ash where are you-" that's all Ash could hear before Iris was out of earshot_

 _The raven haired boy raced as fast as he could (and at the same time trying to keep the urine in his bladder) until he burst through the door of the Pokemon Center and toward the front desk, there was a line._

* * *

"A line. How awful." Wally said sarcastically.

* * *

 _"No, not a line," Ash whined, he looked around for the bathrooms, but this Pokemon Center looked like it had just got renovated and he couldn't tell where they were, Ash groaned, "okay only three people in front of me, I can hold on-" he groaned loudly, the pressure was back and was hitting him full force, Ash shoved his hands between his legs and started to bob up in down, he knew he looked stupid but he sure didn't want to pee his pants._

* * *

"One stupid scene with Trip later."

* * *

 _Down the hall Ash weaved his way past people, "Gotta pee, gotta pee, gotta pee!" each step pee seep from him and drops could be seen on the floor behind him, Ash's bladder was close to bursting by the time he got down to the bathrooms, but he stopped in his tracks as he say something that made his heart drop._

 _"Oh, no!"_

 _On the door to the men's bathroom there was a sign that read the horrible words: "Still under construction"_

* * *

"This could have been avoided."

* * *

 _"No, can't be happening now!" Ash whimpered, his bladder was starting to release the pee in a heavy trickle, Ash could feel the crouch of his pants grown wetter he looked down and a portion of the front of his jeans where starting to turn dark blue._

* * *

"Ash is wearing dark grey jeans while traveling in the Unova region." Wally said looking a bulbapedia.

* * *

 _"What am I gonna do?!" he looked around, no potted plant anywhere he could use, he peeked back to the line to see Iris and Cilan standing in it, "Maybe I can hold it until Cilan gets a room-UGGGHHH!" the pressure became extremely painful, "okay I can't hold it that long" he looked down at the floor a small yellow puddle was starting to form, ash squeezed his legs together. He could feel his soaked underwear sticking to his skin and his wet fingers where slippery and the pee just won't stop flowing! The desperate trainer looked back to the bathroom doors, the girl's bathroom was opened Ash whimpered. Ash knew he had about ten seconds to make a choice before his bladder busted to either 1: Pee his pants and cause a giant puddle on the floor and totally embarrass himself or 2: go into the girl's bathroom and take a piss but at a risk of also embarrassing himself._

* * *

"You. Are. A. Moron."

* * *

 _"Gotta make a choice!" Ash murmured frantically to himself, the steady stream starting to soak through the crouch of his pants, "ugh, damn it," Ash cried and raced into the girl's bathroom without thinking, luckily no one was in there, the Kanto trainer burst into the first stall. He quickly locked it and started to fumble with his belt, "Come on not now!" his belt wasn't unbuckling, it was too late though, as his bladder let the urine gush out, with no chances of stopping. Ash's face reddened as the urine started to form a large puddle below him, not wanting to make a mess Ash decided it be best to pee though his pants Ash did his best to position himself then squatted over the toilet. The gush of urine splashed on the toilet seat and dripped over the sides but soon the stream of pee went into the toilet bowel._

* * *

"The 'Ash can't take off his pants because the plot demanded it' cliche." Wally banged his head into his desk again and again.

* * *

 _"AHHHHH...thank Mew" Ash sighed, as the pressure was finally leaving his body, but then his face heated up with embarrassment. The front of his jeans quickly became really warm a darker color as he continued to pee, Ash could feel that his boxers where completely soaked, and couldn't absorb any more liquid and neither could his pants, now most the urine was passing right through the soaked material and into the toilet. Ash bit his lip and blushed, as the pee quickly soaked the front and back of his jeans, when that part of his pants couldn't hold any more liquid, pee quickly started to trikle down his legs painting wet lines down the sides of his pants. The urine formed small puddles at his feet which wet his socks and his shoes. Ash face grew hot as the urine left him and he bit his lip just praying that no girl came in._

* * *

"Ew. Just. Ew."

* * *

 _Was the only sound that could be heard for a good three minutes, the sound somehow summoned more pee from Ash's bladder and he felt like he peed more then he probably needed too...but boy did it feel good, finally the urine slowly stopped at a trickle and the last few drops of yellow liquid splashed into the toilet bowel. Ash looked between his legs, the toilet bowel was filled with bright yellow piss, he groaned and held his crouch through his wet jeans, and his bladder was aching now as it slowly returned to its normal size._

 _"Ooohhh...I'm never drinking that much water again," Ash moaned as the pounding of his bladder continued to hurt him._

* * *

"If he had drank that much water and desperately needed to pee, the pee would be clear or translucent." Wally began banging his head into the wall.

* * *

 _Ash's face was red as he looked down at his soiled pants; they were sticking to him and felt warm and heavy. But his soaked jeans where only a minor thing compared to the stall, there was a large, yellow puddle on the floor in front of him from his bladder nearly exploding and there where mini puddles at his feet and the stalled smelled of pee, this was humiliating. Ash flushed the toilet and looked down at himself._

* * *

"I honestly feel like I need to dry clean myself now." Wally said.

* * *

 _"Looks like I have to change," grumbled as he undid his belt._

* * *

"You know, the one he couldn't do because of plot."

* * *

 _as quickly as he could the raven haired boy peeled his pee soaked jeans and boxers, before wiping his legs, backside and private parts the best he could with toilet paper._

 _He went through his backpack and pulled out fresh pants, underwear and socks and put the wet ones in their place[Poor backpack what did it ever do to you?], knowing he could wash them later._

* * *

"Is he planing to throw them in the washing machine while they were in the backpack?" Wally said, "If Ash hadn't already been humiliated enough... "

* * *

 _Ash sighed as he adjusted his belt, "I am never drinking that much water ever again" the raven haired boy just unlocked the stall door when he heard the door open._

 _"Eww, ugh it reeks of piss in here," Ash gulped that was Iris._

 _Ash froze but as he was just about to back away his foot slipped on some pee and he went flying forward._

 _Ash fell flat on his face "Ahh! Ow..."_

 _"EEEEKKKKKK!" Iris screamed, "ASH WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING IN HERE!"_

 _Ash jumped up, "Iris I can explain! I was just-"_

 _"UGH and you pissed all over the floor!" she cried looking into the open stall door, "UGH GETOUTGETOUTGETOUTGETOUT!" Iris screeched and started beating Ash over the head with her fists._

 _Iris chased Ash toward the bathroom door, but then a group of girl's came in. Everyone froze._

 _"EEEEEEKKKKKKKK!" the girl's, including Iris, screamed_

 _Sound of someone getting beat up could be heard from the girl's bathroom, it lasted for a good few minutes before Ash flying out covered with bruises._

 _"...Oh...okay I'm never ever...drink that much water again!" Ash groaned._

* * *

"And that's it." Wally said triumphantly, "Now, for the author's note."

* * *

 _Poor Ash, I hope he sticks to that promise!_

 _HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! That was fun to write ^w^! I may even write more fanfic's like that, hehehe torturing Ash was more fun than I thought it would be! Hehehehe!_

 _Please Review if you liked it! (And if you are one of my Sick with No Cure readers Im almost done with the next chapter I just posted this to have fun and so you guys still know that I'm alive and stuff! ^w^)_

 _Anyway I hope you enjoyed this fanfic!_

 _Bye: Toadettegirl2012_

* * *

"Whew." Wally began, "I actually liked this fic. It was described in such detail that you'd actually think it might be from a children's book. It is not without its flaws. Proofreading, though it's not _My Immortal_ bad, oh yes, I have read that horrible waste of space, it still needs some work. Turn on spellcheck, google words, do something that makes you look like you care for grammar."

"And the out of character moments. **Everyone, and I mean everyone,** is either an out of character jerkass or too dumb to live. **Everyone**." Wally said, "Do yourself a favor and go download the Pokemon TV app and do your research about the characters."

"If TG2012 wrote another one, I'd actually enjoy it."

* * *

 **Editor's Notes: All of Wally's bad acting aside, this really was hilarious and enjoyable at the same time. I mean, I've watch Roadrunner and** **Wile E. Coyote as a child so that might have something to do with me liking this.**

 **Next time, you will be dealing with Michael as he gives his honest opinion on one of the bad fanfics in the reviews. You can suggest through PM or the reviews. It doesn't matter.**


	9. as cannot simply still be frickin ten!

_**Those Kids with a Typewriter**_

 _ **Presents**_

 _ **as cannot simply still be frickin ten! By: sakurawolf23**_

"Welcome to Those Kids with a Typewriter where bad fanfiction burns. Or at least it would if this was actually fanfiction." Red ranted, "Let's begin our analysis. First off, the title. Proofread it. I can stand the occasional spelling mistake or misuse of a comma, BUT THE TITLE IS SIX SIMPLE WORDS! YOU HAD ONE JOB!"

"Now let's rip into the actual content."

* * *

 _Okay this is not really a fanfic but this is an argument on how I think that Ash is not still 10 years old._

* * *

"I would like to direct you to the url bar."

* * *

 _Argument one: Serena_

 _Okay, so I know that you are probably confused about how can Serena factor into this. But bear with me. Serena, if you were to look at her first outfit and her other outfits, it is obvious that Serena has, well, breasts._

* * *

Red is seen sucking his thumbs in fetal position on the floor, occasionally spazzing out.

"Wow, first three sentences." May said taking over.

"First off, many anime, including the Pokemon anime, over sexualizes boys and girls - mostly girls. Look at what the anime did to me. Granted, the animators couldn't keep my hair length consistent, so what makes you think they'll keep anything other than palette correct. Second, you're trying to turn the ambiguously teenaged Serena of the games to a ten-year-old girl. Of course things wouldn't be drawn right. They could barely draw ten-year-olds right!"

* * *

 _And I don't mean just starting to get some like she has A cups, she has B cups, like B5 or there is the episode where Serena was wearing that Fennekin costume for her Pokevision video, and she has curves, where she has a small waist and kinda hips, instead of having her figure be straight down if she was 10. So that would mean Serena is likely 13 or 14 years old._

* * *

"Yes, this is the end of an entire paragraph. I'm not kidding. It is some person just paying attention of a girl's assets. This is just perverted and I feel dirty just thinking about it."

* * *

 _It is also kind of obvious that she has a crush on Ash. And what kind of 13-14 year old would have a crush on a 10 year old? Plus even if Serena was 10, it is kinda, in a way, obvious that AmourShipping (Ash x Serena) might become canon. And that means that they will probably date or kiss in order for that to happen. And don't you think 10 is a bit too young?_

* * *

"I would like to point you to the Dark Ages, where bathing in feces was considered medicine. People as young as twelve would be married off to some person between the ages of ten to twenty. If you weren't married by the age of twenty, people would think that you were some old maid or a nun. Guess what? Those people died at thirty. We don't know how long people in the anime live. If they died young, then the kid dating would be a lot less disturbing. But that just me feeling the need to over analyze things. This is still anime. In _Digimon_ , there was a love triangle between Sora, Tai, and Matt. Oh, there was a ten-year-old that actually confessed to the person he loves in _Digimon_ _Tamers_."

* * *

 _Argument two: Ash's size and voice._

 _Ash's voice kinda changes from a high kinda pitchy voice to a little bit deeper voice. I know that this is probably due to the voice actors for Ash had changed, but maybe they are trying to tell us something. Then there is Ash's size. In the first few seasons Ash had to sometimes tilt his head up at people who were obviously older than him, but in the recent ones Ash is almost about the same height as people who are probably 16 and up, and only have to slightly turn his head to look at them. Then there is the XY episode where the group meets Sawyer, who had just started his journey. And the legal age in Pokemon to become a trainer is 10 years old, and if you were to put Ash and Sawyer side by side Ash is visibly much taller than Sawyer._

* * *

"People grow at different rates, and the canon goes by the Japanese version where Ash's voice hasn't changed. Your argument is invalid." May vented.

* * *

 _Argument three: Days passing._

 _Okay so there has been obviously more than 365 episodes of Pokemon. I mean it started in 1999. So anyway, in some of the episodes there is seen where more than one day passing in a single episode. Like maybe instead of one day to have their adventure or whatever, it takes them two days. And there are even a few episodes were a couple of days have passed, like in the episode 'A true Blue Swablu' Brock, Ash, and Max decide to stay a few days so May could take care of a injured Swablu to full health. Then in the movies with Ash in them it is quite obvious that two or three days have passed inside of the movie._

 _So there are 887 episodes of pokemon in all and if you were to take the episodes where two days passed in each one, I guess you would have around 815 episodes and the ones where only one day passed, 72 episodes. And if you were to get 815 and multiply that by two. You would get 1630, thats is as many days that Ash had been through since the start of his journey. You add the single ones, 72, with that number and you get 1702. There are 365 days in a year so divide 1702 by 365 you would get 4.663... Basically estimate that, and you would see that 4 or 5 years had passed by since the start of his journey. So if Ash was 10 when the Pokemon series started he is now 14 or 15 years old by now._

* * *

"Your argument is invalid because the narrator in _Best Wishes_ says Ash is still ten." May said, "Man your argument sucks."

"The first point is downright perverted. Really? Breast size as an argument for age? We don't know if these people that live on the Pokemon world are the _Homo sapiens_ brand of human or not. We don't know if they have the same hearts, brains, or livers as _Homo sapiens_. We don't even know what else they might have. These people evolved from Pokemon, beings that can create storms, shoot lasers, and enslave the mind."

"Your second point is nullified because of different animation teams for Ash's height. The voice is due to the voice actor change in the dub."

"Your third point is also pointless. We don't even know what calendar they are using. Are they using the Julian calendar, the Gregorian calendar, the Buddhist calendar, a lunar calendar etc. _Star Wars_ has its own calendar, _Avatar_ has its own calendar ... who is to argue that the Pokemon world doesn't have their own calendar?"

"I really want to burn this utter waste of my time, but fire is way too good for it. It's not worth the paper I'm reading it off of. If you'll excuse me, I'm going to go pulp this."

May leaves and there is a splash of water.

* * *

 _ **Editor's note: This was lazy. If you don't bother to proofread six words, then what's the point. That pretty much saying, "I don't care about what happens." That's the worst thing you could say.**_


	10. Teen Titans Go! The Fourth Wall

_**Those Kids with a Typewriter**_

 _ **Rant: Teen Titans Go! The Fourth Wall**_

(Hilbert's POV)

All watchers of comic book adaptations may have heard of _Teen Titans Go!_ It was thought to be a continuation of the original _Teen Titans_ , but the moment it hit the air, we all knew it was suppose to be a comedy. The quality is debatable(aka bad), but the show has dedicated three - yes, three - episodes to bashing their older fandom. Peter Rida Michail, Michael Jelenic, and Aaron Horvath, the director and writers of "The Fourth Wall," wrote the episode as if the Titans lives were made into a tv show. After insulting their viewers, they see clips of the original cartoon. Control Freak, the one responsible for the shows, says that he will reboot _Go!_ if they don't shape up. After a didactic tongue-lashing about all the criticisms of the show, nothing happens. Nothing's plot relavant. Nothing good happens.

Um, this episode just said that all the detractors are just nostalgia-loving creeps that don't appreciate all the hard work people put into this show. YOU THREE CHILDISH HACKS. How DARE you insult your viewers. How DARE you insult the very people that hand you money via overpriced cable and satellite tv and any other crap you put out. How DARE you say that we don't appreciate all your hard work, when you constantly show us that you don't give a crap! Take a look at _X-Men: The Animated Series_. The animation was sometimes subpar, but it made up for it with good storytelling.

You say this is a spin-off of the original, but you never bother look at the original. You do not deserve the talents of Scott Menville, Hynden Walch, Khary Payton, Tara Strong, and Greg Cipes. You do not deserved to be burned. I'm going to put this thing in its rightful place, the trash. And since I want to encourage good media, I recommend watching _Batman: The Brave and the Bold_. As light hearted as it may be, it is still funnier than this crap. _Super Best Friends Forever_ is a series of shorts which are legitimately funny. And they are headed by Lauren Faust.

* * *

 ** _Editor's Note: Yeah, this episode was bad. So a friend and I wrote this. The original rant was much longer and much more gruesome, so I had to do some censorship to keep the T rating. I also added in some of Linkara's rant from the One More Day review to ease some of the tension._**

 ** _Go! really butchered characterization. I get why they decided to make Raven and Robin bronies because Tara Strong plays Twilight Sparkle (G4) and Scott Menville played Danny Williams (G1), but come on, did you have to make them such jerks?_**

 ** _Anyways, Like Atop the Fourth Wall, there will be story segments to this. Right after I write them next review._**


	11. His May

**Those** _ **Kids with a Typewriter**_

 _ **His May By: Kitty-Cat134**_

(Brendan's POV)

Welcome to Those Kids with a Typewriter where bad fanfiction burns. This fanfic sucks for more than one reason. Let's get on with it.

* * *

 _Drew was the type of a guy who loved attention. He loved it when women fought over him, and he loved it when he won every contest he was in. He wasn't the type of a guy to run after women, because he believed that women should run after him._

* * *

Oh and fanfiction writers portray me as overly needy? How selfish can you be you drama-loving -

* * *

 _But the it all changed when a certain dense, glutton of an airhead came into his life. When they first met, he began to make fun of her, but then afterwards when they kept bumping into each other, he started to tease her on daily basis. He would give her roses, claiming they were for Beautifly. At least, they were for Beautifly, until it all changed._

 _Drew, in the beginning, loved to tease the airhead who'd get riled up and start yelling at him. He, in the beginning, thought of her as annoying and a rookie, who wouldn't even get into the Grand Festival, but then he began to understand her, and he grew interested in her. Because unlike others, she didn't worship him like he was a god, and he grew interested at that. And before he knew it, he began to grow feelings for the dense, glutton of an airhead. Instead of Beautifly, he gave roses to her, but still lied that they were for her Pokemon, just to keep his feelings hidden. It was getting harder, because his feelings grew each day until they bloomed into love._

* * *

Let me run down his whole love life. He is interested in May because she isn't like all the other background characters that just sit and worship him. He's attracted to a diamond in the rough. I'd like this motivation if this thing wasn't so one-sided. The whole thing is selfish.

* * *

 _Drew thought he was going crazy, because he began to notice even tiny details of her. He noticed how her nose would twitch when she was in a foul mood, he began to notice the barely visible black bags under her eyes and all that stress._

* * *

You must either how great eyesight or have a ton of time on your hands. It's like you're stalking her. This isn't cute. It's creepy. People get pepper-sprayed over this. In the Pokemon world, I wouldn't be surprised if you got blasted off the side of the mountain by hyper beam.

... This is in the romance section? I thought this was in the horror category.

* * *

 _Drew loved May's eyes. They would shine and sparkle when she was happy, and Drew enjoyed it. Her eyes would always absorb him, and he'd get lost into them without any return. He hated it when tears would gather at her eyes, or when that shine and sparkle fade away, and he wanted to kill the person who made his May unhappy._

* * *

Did he just...

* * *

 _he wanted to kill the person who made his May unhappy._

* * *

He did.

You IDIOT. You STALKER. You DIRTY criminal. How DARE you! How DARE you pass this criminal activity onto your audience as pass it off as love. How DARE you so much as -

* * *

 _He also loved her hair. He wondered if they were as soft as they looked, and he didn't like the bandana that covered him up. He would notice her hairstyle, and how she looked utterly beautiful._

 _Drew also adored her smile. He would do anything to make her smile. Her smile lightened his world, and he was always at ease when he saw her smiling. He didn't like the frowns that she would make._

 _Drew always adored his May's laughter. Her laughter was music to his ears, and he would always enjoy listening to it._

 _He also loved her angry, pouting face when he'd tease her, and he loved the way her cheeks would turn red when he would give her a rose. Basically, Drew loved everything about his May._

* * *

His? Don't make me begin ranting again. I'm trying to pay back my swear jar debt. Should I go on about how possessive he is? How much of a stalker? Or how he's going to vilify a character?

* * *

 _Drew hated this guy named Brendan Birch. He loathed him. Brendan was May's best childhood friend, and he hated it when he used to put his arms around his May. He hated it when Brendan was the one who would make her laugh, and his hatred grew when she would always blush around him. He didn't like it. He wanted May to be his, but that Brendan always got into his way. And that made Drew loathe him even more._

 _But then one day, Drew had enough. So when he saw Brendan flirting with May, he lost control and lashed out. May had a hard time dragging him away, and then demanded a reason for his excuse. He yelled out how he was in love with her, and how he hated when Brendan became all too flirty with her. Drew confessed every single thing, including his hatred for Brendan. But when she began laughing at how he thought she loved Brendan, he became confused._

 _"Drew, I don't love Brendan. The reason I always blush when he's around, is because I can't stop comparing him to you," she had laughed when she said that. He had sighed in relief, and smiled at May, who had blushed and smiled back._

 _"Drew!" He was snapped out of his thoughts when someone called out to him, and when he saw who it was, he smiled, and wrapped his arms around her tiny waist, and capturing her lips in a kiss._

 _Yes, May belonged to him. She was his May. Forever and always. And nothing could change that._

* * *

This story - is actually not that bad...

OF COURSE IT'S THAT BAD! THIS STORY SUCKS!

Never, and I mean never, have I seen a person so clingy and needy since Bella Swan. Drew doesn't sound like he's written like a ten-year-old. He sounds like he's some overly hormonal teenager. In other words, he's the male, pokemon equivalent of said needy jerk, Bella Swan. This isn't love, it's lust.

Admittedly, stories about love and lust are rare, and people these days can't seem to be able to tell them apart.

 _Disney_ of all companies can tell a story about love and lust decently as exemplified in _The Hunchback of Notre Dame_. Quasimodo knew to put Esmeralda's happiness before his own while Frollo put himself above Esmeralda. Guess who dies.

"His May", however, was not thought out well enough to merit it's own segment in the K-rated section of this website. Just look at the last sentence.

* * *

 _Yes, May belonged to him. She was his May. Forever and always. And nothing could change that._

* * *

There are many words that can describe this sentence. I'm going to use my favorite. Let's try "objectification" on for size.

I'm Brendan. I read it, and I wish I hadn't.

(Insert "Hellfire" from Disney's The Hunchback of Notre Dame)


End file.
